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Cheater In A Relationship Is Your Enemy. 8 Ways To Defeat It

cheater in a relationship

What is considered cheater in a relationship?

In short, cheater in a relationship  is being emotionally or sexually unfaithful to your partner with who you are in a monogamous relationship with. Being intimate sexually or emotionally with another person is usually considered cheating.

However, when you get more specific and talk about different actions and behaviours, what constitutes cheating can be a tough question to ask, and despite what some people say, there is no complete universal answer.

Different couples have different rules. Cheating is murky territory, after all.

But in the age of tinder and online communication, it’s important that you and your partner define monogamy and infidelity.

You’d be surprised how many people get married with absolutely no idea that their beliefs aren’t compatible.

So in this article, I’m going to get specific and talk about the eight different types of cheating and what behaviours may be included in each.

Keep in mind that some couples may be okay with these behaviours, while others clearly won’t.

Let’s go:

8 Definition of a cheater in a relationship

cheater in a relationshipCheater in a relationship

This type of cheating is an emotional attachment between a person and someone who isn’t their partner or spouse.

  • This can happen even if you never engage in any physical actions that would indicate a loving relationship – holding hands, kissing, cuddling, or more; just the act of communicating deeply on an intimately personal level while simultaneously letting the emotional connection with your spouse fall to the wayside.
  • Your significant other should be the first person you turn to for most of your daily ups and downs as well as your life’s greatest hurdles – when this is no longer the case, something is wrong.
  • “When you are emotionally cheating, it is all about the emotional connection…It is about crossing lines and sharing things that would make your partner uncomfortable (including talking about them in a negative way.”
  • And, of course, it would be naive to think that emotional cheating may not eventually lead to physical cheating.

How do you figure out what constitutes emotional cheating?

  1. Look, there’s no getting around it. Emotional cheating is hard to define.
  2. Late-night texting and constant messaging on social media – it can be tough to figure out what is an innocent friendship and what is actually cheating.
  3. So, how can you figure out whether it’s emotional cheating or not?
  4. Marriage therapist Sherri Meyers says that an emotional affair is essentially an “affair of the heart”.
  5. It’s very different from a platonic friendship, as there’s definitely some sexual attraction and flirting involved.
  6. Click here to watch an excellent free video with tips on what to do when you suspect your partner is emotionally cheating on you (and much more — it’s well worth watching).
  7. The video was created by Brad Browning, a leading relationship expert. Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving relationships, especially marriages. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel.

2. Cyber Affair

A cyber affair is a modern epidemic – an emotional connection developed online.

Many people try to make excuses for these kinds of relationships, and in many cases, they successfully deceive their spouse into believing that it’s fine.

Unlike traditional emotional affairs, cyber affairs might seem less serious since everything is happening online.

No lunch dates, no meetings, no late-night talks in a restaurant.

Cyber affairs are becoming increasingly common simply because of how easy they are to fall into – an unhappy marriage can lead spouses to seek better spaces online, and they can happen completely unintentionally.

How do you figure out what constitutes cyber cheating?

Look, I won’t deny it: It’s tough to work out whether an online relationship with someone outside your marriage constitutes an affair or cheating behaviour.

So, how do you figure out if it’s just an innocent online friendship or whether it’s something a little more sinister?

You need to look at the characteristics of the relationship.

Is your partner trying to keep it a secret?

Is there a sexual and emotional undertone?

Is there consistent flirting going on?

Are they confiding in them for emotional support rather than you?

If you can answer yes to these four questions, then I’m sorry to say, but you might consider it is cheating.

3. What would a relationship coach say?

  • While this article explores the most common types of cheater in a relationship, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
  • With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
  • Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like infidelity in a relationship. They’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
  • How do I know?
  • Well, I reached out to Relationship Hero a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
  • I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
  • In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation. Click here to get started.

4. Object Affair

The object affair is perhaps the type of cheating that is the most difficult to qualify as cheating, but it is still a type of infidelity and betrayal.

Object affairs occur when a partner becomes obsessively interested in something outside of the relationship.

This might be a hobby, an idea, or in many cases, pornography.

Their obsessive interest in this object hurts the relationship because it consumes them – even if it’s just their mental space, it is a space that the spouse is aggressively prohibited from ever entering.

How do you figure out what constitutes object cheating? 

Object cheating becomes obvious when the obsession slowly becomes bigger and bigger, and space for the relationship gradually shrinks.

You might say that this is less serious, but it can wreak havoc on a relationship, particularly if it’s an obsession with porn.

In some cases, a porn obsession can lead to the partner no longer being aroused by normal sex.

6. Physical Affair:

The physical affair – is sometimes the easiest kind of affair to determine and sometimes the most difficult.

While sleeping together is an obvious breach of trust for most traditional relationships, what about a meaningless drunken peck on the lips during a company party or holding hands with another physically attractive person?

The intent is always important – and you should never treat your partner like a fool.

You can define physical cheating as using the body’s senses to feel a connection, where the motivation is touch and sexual gain.

How do you figure out what constitutes physical cheating? 

Now I wouldn’t want to stereotype, but according to Yvonne, a therapist at The Affair clinic, a good way to look at it is “in terms of the sex cycle.” Yvonne, a therapist at The Affair Clinic,

“A man is like a gas cooker, turned on from the flick of a switch. A woman needs much more warming up time, like an electric hob!”

She says that this is why a woman generally needs to feel an emotional connection with someone before she feels she wants to engage in sexual/physical activity.

As a result, a man may feel the pain of physical cheating harder, and women find emotional infidelity harder to deal with.

7. Financial infidelity


Financial infidelity happens when couples with shared finances lie to each other about money. For instance, one partner may hide significant debts in a separate account while the other partner is unaware.

It may be surprising to hear that hiding your spending habits from your other half can be considered a form of infidelity. 

But it can be considered cheating and one of the most damaging, too. 

How do you figure out what constitutes financial infidelity?

Because if one partner’s spending affects both people in the relationship, and they’re trying to hide it, then it’s dishonest and destructive. 

Perhaps one partner is hiding it for personal or professional reasons, but it will inevitably affect your partner as well. 

This is, of course, assuming that it’s a marriage where the money is shared by both involved. This is usually the case in any marriage. 

The bottom line is this: 

When one spouse is making significant financial moves without the knowledge of the other, it endangers the financial future of both people and disregards the importance of trust and communication in the relationship.

8. Micro-cheating

Micro-cheating may be a term you haven’t heard of before, but it is certainly a set of behaviours you have seen many times before.

Micro-cheating is a slick way for people who are not ready to commit to a relationship to stay in the game without compromising their existing partner or status.

It’s something that many people do without realizing it.

Ty Tashiro, psychologist and author of “The Science of Happily Ever After What Really Matters in the Quest for Enduring Love“, says to NBC that micro-cheating is a “relatively small act of emotional infidelity with someone outside of a person’s committed relationship” that usually happens through online interactions or texting.

How do you figure out what constitutes micro-cheating?

Robert Weiss told NBC that “different behaviours might be infidelity for one couple, micro-cheating for another couple, and not a problem at all for another couple.”

So if you aren’t comfortable with certain behaviours or habits your partner has, it might be time, to be honest with yourself about what is really going on.

Here are some examples of micro-cheating:

  1. Flirting with other people on social media or messaging apps
  2. Flirting with the waitress or waiter at a cafe
  3. They still have a dating profile online
  4. They still constantly communicate with their ex.
  5. They go to events with other people of different sex.

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