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Do you feel that you are constantly being controlled by your partner?
No matter how much you try, they are impossible to reach. You get lost in the details.
These are 10 signs that someone is trying to deflect in a relationship and how you can stop it.
What is deflection?
When someone attempts to shift the blame onto someone else, they are called deflective. They are trying to shift the blame from themselves in this instance. This is often done to avoid conflict or confrontation.
What is deflection?
People who use deflection may initially appear open-minded and honest, but then they make excuses for what has happened or blame others. You might hear them say things like “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings” or “It wasn’t my fault.”
Why does deflection happen?
People who feel vulnerable sometimes resort to deflection to avoid facing the truth. Sometimes, they might be reluctant to admit they have done wrong or are responsible for creating problems.
Deflection, in essence, is a defense mechanism people use to preserve their image.
How can you tell if someone is lying?
1) They project their emotions and thoughts deflection psychology
One common type of deflection is projection.
They bury their feelings because they are unable to deal with their emotions. However, buried emotions tend to spill out.
Your partner may project their feelings onto you if they do.
One classic example is when a partner feels guilty about their infidelity and projects this guilt onto their partner.
They accuse their partner of being unfaithful. They believe that their partner is doing evil. They feel insecure.
It is possible that you notice your partner’s negative feelings about yourself or their disapproval of it.
If your partner is unhappy with their appearance or has other body problems, instead of dealing with them, they may criticize your weight and looks to make you feel better.
3) Gaslighting deflection psychology
You may feel as though you are gaslighting your partner if they deflect onto you in extreme cases.
Gaslighting refers to when someone makes you feel paranoid or crazy. They might tell you you are imagining things or you are making too many of them.
Your partner’s actions are not fictitious. You can see exactly what your partner is doing.
Their way of dealing with things is to challenge your perceptions.
They can make you think twice about reality.
These are classic examples of gaslighting in relationships:
You are being blatantly deceitful, but you refuse to admit it.
You are trying to minimize your feelings and suggesting that you are exaggerating.
Rewriting facts to suggest it didn’t occur as it did
You are being discredit and made to believe that your perceptions of the world can’t be trusted.
3) Playing the victim deflection psychology
Another type of deflection that is common is the playing the victim.
This happens when someone manipulates another person to make them wrong. It can feel like you are always at fault for whatever happens in your relationship. You and your partner are not responsible for any issues that arise between you.
Even if you are trying to raise a concern about something done by your partner, they will still twist the story so that it comes back at you. Your partner won’t admit to fault, so they will likely deny any wrongdoing.
They might say, for example, “You are so sensitive!” or “That was completely unfair.”
They might complain about what happened, then blame you.
If someone takes the blame, they will make you the victim of their anger.
They may take on all the blame. Instead of dealing with their problems, they may lash out at them. They use you as a scapegoat.
They blame the circumstances
If it isn’t your fault, it’s most likely someone or something else is responsible.
They look for excuses if they do something wrong.
People who are prone to deflecting in relationships find it difficult to accept responsibility for their actions. They are unable to handle the responsibility that comes with self-reflection.
They have a variety of excuses to fall back on.
They were drunk when they cheated. Because they are busy working, they haven’t been paying attention to you. Because their friend needed some cheering up, they were out partying all night.
It could be any thing. They prefer to look at the bigger picture and blame the circumstances for the current situation.
5) They don’t get where you are coming and deflection psychology
Deflective partners often lack empathy and don’t see the point.
It’s possible to feel as though you don’t know what it feels like to walk in someone else’s shoes.
It can appear that they don’t care if you express your feelings. They want to hear their own voices. You may get annoyed quickly.
They won’t listen to you. They talk over and interrupt you, and then argue with you.
If you bring up an uncomfortable topic, they might try to change it.
You may be told by them that your behavior is unreasonable when you bring up certain topics. They may also claim you are too sensitive.
These are the things you’ve tried before. You give up.
Because they don’t know how you feel. It’s like talking to a brick wall.
6) They have difficulty saying sorry
Everyone makes mistakes. Saying sorry allows us to admit to our mistakes and make amends.
It’s a sign that your partner isn’t capable or willing to apologize if they don’t.
They may believe they have to apologize for something that they did wrong. They won’t.
Only when they are aware of their mistake will they do this. This means they must first admit to their mistakes. They must then express their regret. They never seem to reach that point.
You may find them reluctant to offer an apology, but it is not sincere.
They don’t believe they are to blame.
7) You go around and round in circles
If you find yourself in constant arguments over the same topics, you could be dealing with someone who uses deflection to get you out of a relationship.
It’s common to deflect in an argument because it’s when we feel most threatened or in need of a defense mechanism.
You may feel that you keep raising the same issues, but they don’t listen to you. So you just keep going round in circles, without ever solving your problems.
We can’t solve the problem if we try to deflect the issue. We miss the chance to learn and correct our behavior.
This means that your partner will likely continue to repeat their actions rather than changing.
This most likely means that you will continue to have the same fights over-and-over.
8) Always tit for tat
You can make them see that they are wrong. They will retaliate by finding something they did wrong and throwing it back at you.
They don’t have to use something new or relevant for ammunition.
You might get a quick snapback if you highlight something that they did wrong.
“Well, you’re not an angel, remember …”Or” “You’re a fine person to talk, don’t forget …”
They are incapable of taking responsibility. Instead, they will quickly deflect and point out every mistake you have made.
9) They are in denial
Dealing with a partner who deflects is one of the worst things.
It is part of their defense mechanism to deny their actions, so they don’t have any to answer for.
Most likely, they will not be able to admit that they have any problems.
You’ll be trying to convince them that this is a problem. They won’t listen to you no matter how many times you try.
10) They will tell you what you want.
A subtle way to deflect attention is to appease your partner to get them to give up something.
It’s possible to get the impression that they don’t really mean what you think they want you to hear, even though they may be saying nice things.
It is a way to manipulate and avoid conflict.
If they behave badly and you attempt to discipline them, it could be like this:
“You know that I wouldn’t do anything to harm you.”
It’s not a sign that they are guilty or remorseful, but a way to get them off the hook.
How to argue with someone who deflects
1) Use the “I feel” sentence deflection psychology
When someone feels attacked, deflection is the most common defense mechanism.
This means that the more threatened someone feels during a discussion, then the less likely it is for deflection to occur.
If you want to avoid your partner feeling attacked when you raise a problem with them, use “I feel” statements instead of “You do X,Y.,Z” comments. These are more accusatory.
According to research on conflict management, it is important to create a safe environment for people who are arguing with one another.
This study suggests that “I” statements may be helpful in this regard.
An alternative to getting stuck in a dead-end argument, open-ended questions could be a way to guide you towards resolution.
Open-ended questions allow your partner to speak without needing to defend themselves.
They are able to respond to your words, rather than shutting you out.
This helps you to understand their motivations so that you can collaborate on solving them.
Be mindful of what you say can encourage your partner and make the conversation more meaningful.
2) Be calm deflection psychology
It can be very frustrating to feel that your partner isn’t listening and fails to take responsibility.
Keep in mind, however, that the more you lose control of your temper, the more likely they are to get mad at you.
Keep calm and rational and stick to facts and evidence.
Be able to show your partner your argument before they will accept it.
It’s especially important to keep your head up, especially when someone is unable see clearly.
3) Try to notice patterns in their behavior deflection psychology
You can spot patterns in your partner’s behavior if they are starting to deflect.
Do they do this consistently?
Does it happen when you discuss certain topics?
What is the trigger?
This could be a clue as to their defensive behavior.
While it won’t solve everything, it can help to gain a better understanding of your spouse so that you can manage things constructively.
4) Keep your eyes on the facts
Instead of focusing on emotions, focus on facts.
It can be difficult to keep emotions from deflection psychology conflict, especially when your closest and dearest are involved.
If your partner is prone to deflecting, you might need to clarify your point and have examples on hand.
It is much more difficult to get out of this situation.
Focusing on facts will help you avoid making unhelpful generalizations. Keep your focus on the facts and not go off-topic.
5) Allow them to take time to reflect deflection psychology
It can be difficult for people to see their actions in the heat of the moment, when defenses are at their highest.
Sometimes, it’s better to give your partner space and time to reflect on what you have said.
Before you continue, let them cool off.
If you don’t allow your partner to process the points, you may find yourself repeating them over and over.
Allow them to think about what you are saying and then let them return to you later, once they have had the chance to reflect.
They will hopefully be able to see the positive side of you after this.
6) Treat your wounds yourself while deflection psychology
It’s easy for a partner to deflect and cause frustration. You may even feel helpless. It’s possible to feel like giving up on your love and throwing in the towel.
I would like to suggest something new.
Ruda Iande, a world-famous shaman, taught me this lesson. I learned from Ruda that there is a way to love and intimacy, not the culturally-conditioned belief system.
Ruda explains how many people chase love in a toxic manner in this free video. This is because they aren’t taught how to love themselves first.
If you are looking to resolve issues in your marriage, I recommend that you start with yourself and follow Ruda’s amazing advice.
Here is the link to the video again.
7) Take responsibility
We should always double-check that our partner is doing the same thing when we ask them to do something.
Everyone is capable of deflecting in a relationship from the time it occurs. It is only right that you are subject to the same scrutiny.
You must admit your mistakes and apologize to your partner when they are owed one. Also, be open to reassessing your part in any conflict.
It often takes two to tango, as they say. One person is never 100% wrong, and the other is always 100% right.
Being able to recognize your own wisdom and maturity is not only a gift for your partner but also for yourself.
8) Deflection psychology : Don’t allow them to get away with it
Deflecting in a relationship can lead to frustration and even destruction. Do not allow them to do it.
You must be able point out what they are doing if you catch them doing it.
You may be questioning your ability to continue if your efforts to work together and form a team are met with hostility and defensiveness.
Effective communication is essential for the survival of any relationship.