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Why i don’t I have a boyfriend? 19 reasons (and how to fix it)

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Don’t I have a boyfriend

Don’t I have a boyfriendDon’t I have a boyfriend You have tried everything to find a man you like. Dating apps. Single bars. Blind dates

You’re not closer to finding the man you want to live with. It’s not clear why.

You are a charming, attractive and kind girl.

Why not find a boyfriend?

What is it that makes a man not want to be in a relationship?

This is what I hope to answer in this article.

You see, I am a woman and I don’t mind admitting that I was single for 10 years before I turned 30. You can read my entire story here

There were many reasons I was always single. But, now that I’m 35 and happily married, I realize some of these reasons weren’t obvious to me.

It’s important to remember that men do not like single people.

It’s much more likely that it is an attitude thing than something you made. This was definitely the case for me.

The good news is?

You can begin to identify the reasons you aren’t able to find a boyfriend and then work on resolving it.

We are now.

why you might not be lucky in loveThese are 19 reasons why you might not be lucky in love

1) You don’t really want a boyfriend.

Single women often complain about the desire to have a boyfriend, even though they are enjoying their careers, travelling with friends, and taking care of their pets.

If you feel this way, then you need to ask yourself if you truly want a boyfriend.

Some people are looking for a man because they feel lonely, or they are under societal pressures.

You might feel more conscious of your single life if you spend too much time with married friends and see their engagement photos on Facebook.

Although this is a common, universal experience, it can be difficult to share your vulnerability with someone new.

Consider whether you truly want a boyfriend and are ready to invest the effort necessary to build a lasting relationship.

If your life is already full, you might be wondering if you really need a boyfriend.

2) You hold high standards

Your childhood experiences may have given rise to a voice inside your head that seeks perfection.

You might be unwilling to settle for less than your ideal man, whether it was because of overly critical parents or media portrayals of love.

While standards are generally good, it is possible to be too strict with them. This could lead to unreachable barriers between you or someone truly great.

Even if you like someone, it’s possible to end up with them because they don’t fit all your criteria.

You may find yourself convinced that the right person is not out there.

It’s okay to not let go of your standards, especially if it’s someone you admire or have certain values. Standards help you avoid being wrong.

You should be able to recognize when you are unfairly restricting someone because they don’t fit your expectations due to their height, dress or income.

You can find romance in unexpected places, and meet wonderful people even if they are imperfect.

Even if things don’t go your way, you might be able to open new friendships, connections or opportunities that are beneficial for you.

3) You don’t know how to enter the dating scene

Many women make these two errors when trying to enter the dating scene.

First, you will go to bars and clubs in the hope of meeting someone. The chances of meeting someone special while bar-hopping at night are slim.

The second error is that you want a boyfriend but you prefer to stay home and watch Netflix on Friday night.

You are hesitant to accept invitations from others and you rarely accept social invitations.

When you go out, it is difficult to tell if a guy is flirting with you or being friendly.

You might be able to find a boyfriend in another area if you are having trouble finding one.

Finding a boyfriend is all about getting to know people. This means that you need to go to the right places.

You must say yes to new opportunities and start conversations.

Join more activities with like-minded individuals. Visit your gym often, sign up for a club, volunteer group, or agree to go on blind dates once in a while.

Although you may not find the person you are looking for, you will be able to make new friends and possibly meet someone special.

4) Men don’t want what you think they want

Maybe you’ve been in a relationship with some guys but it never worked out.

You are pushed aside by them before you have a chance to tell them what you feel.

This is exactly what happened.

Although I was able to have flings and lasted only a few dates, many of these relationships ended in a whimper.

It was frustrating. It was frustrating, but now I see the simple reason.

I did not understand what men wanted.

Truth be told, I am an independent woman. To some men, I can be intimidating and powerful.

This can sometimes make men turn away from me, as I have my life under control.

This all became clear when I discovered a new theory in psychology called “hero instinct”.

Men want to be your hero. It is a biological desire to be loved, to feel valued, and to care for his woman. It’s more than love and sex.

But the best part is that he won’t feel this urge if you don’t. He will eventually look for someone who does.

Perhaps because I was intimidating to men, they didn’t like me because I wasn’t going to trigger their biological instinct.

But I am not suggesting that you should be passive or lose your strong female qualities. Not at all.

Understanding this concept will help you to understand the nature of a man and how you can leverage it to your advantage, while still retaining your authenticity and strong personality.

5) You haven’t tried dating apps

Technology has led to a cultural shift in the world of dating. Online dating apps have a bad reputation for encouraging cheating and hookups.

Some people find great matches and these relationships can lead to greater commitments like marriage.

Apps for dating are very effective as you meet more people than you would in real life and find more men who share your interests.

Enjoying a dating app is the best way to get the most out of it.

Don’t expect someone to be perfect. Instead, use the app to make new connections and meet interesting people.

Consider each date an opportunity to see a new place or enjoy a delicious meal.

You will be happy that you did something you loved, even if you were wrong about your date.

6) You are just waiting for someone to come along

It is a sad truth of life that boyfriends don’t just appear out of the blue, waiting to go on a date with you when you need them.

You’ll wait a long time for the right person to sweep you off your feet.

It takes a lot of effort and time to build a relationship.

It is important to spend time getting to know your partner so that you can build a connection.

Acceptance of the person as they are is essential, unless they are abusive or toxic.

Stop waiting for someone to come along if you truly want to be with them.

You can expand your horizons more intentionally by cultivating hobbies, working hard, or exploring your locality.

You will meet people along the way. If not, it won’t matter because you’ll be a better person and more balanced.

7) You are too invested in an older relationship

You can either end a relationship or stay together forever when you are in a committed relationship. Many people find it difficult to deal with the end of a relationship.

Although some people believe that time heals all hurts, the past can still bleed into your present and future relationships if it isn’t dealt with.

Perhaps you aren’t really over your ex-boyfriend, and start comparing a new man to them.

Perhaps you were influenced by your experience with your ex to have negative thoughts about yourself and/or about love, which led you to self-sabotage.

This problem may be a problem for you. It’s time to bring all unresolved issues up to the surface and to look at them objectively.

Look back at your past wounds to determine if there are any faulty beliefs about yourself.

It will pay off long-term if you take the time to correct them.

Recommend reading: How to win over someone: 17 tips that aren’t bullsh*t

8) Don’t I have a boyfriend  You’re not emotionally available.

It would be difficult for you to have a romantic relationship if you’ve been traumatized in your past relationships or in your personal life.

If your trauma wasn’t dealt with in a compassionate manner, it could hinder your ability to love and trust.

It is possible to be suspicious of or unable to trust new people in your life.

It’s possible that you are repeating trauma patterns, either accidentally or intentionally. You feel stuck in a dysfunctional cycle and don’t want to try.

This could lead to unhealthy relationships that make each relationship a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You must first untangle your negative thoughts before you start a new relationship.

It is important to remember that every potential boyfriend is different.

You will find unique, valuable qualities that you can love and appreciate in their different lives and experiences.

9) Don’t I have a boyfriend  You seem unapproachable.

It’s possible that you are unconsciously pushing people away, even though it might not be obvious.

Although you don’t mean to be unapproachable, your body language or non-verbal communication skills could be indicating that you are haughty and uninterested.

These are some signs you might appear aloof:

Avoid eye contact

Smiling is a sin

Never look up at your phone.

Use negative or pessimistic language

If you are one of these people, you need to change how you present yourself to others.

People gravitate to people who are positive and charismatic.

They are more comfortable with people who are open and responsive than they are, as well as those who share their vulnerabilities.

You can start to smile by putting your arms across your chest and not crossing them.

If you are interested in a conversation with a man you don’t know, look into their eyes and respond to their words so that they can see you care about them.

If you like someone, it’s much easier to ask them out on a date.

Recommended reading: “Why am I pushing people away?” 19 reasons (and how you can stop)

10) Don’t I have a boyfriend  You feel unworthy.

Interesting concepts such as self-worth and self-esteem have surprising effects on our relationships.

According to one study, people are more likely to choose people they believe are similar to them in terms of their income, beauty, and education.

Let’s suppose you feel unattractive. You dismiss compliments from others about your appearance.

You can use someone’s negative comments about your appearance to support your original belief.

All those negative comments can influence your self-perception and lead to feelings of inadequacy.

Sometimes you may think you are not worthy of romance or feel drawn to people who have low self-esteem.

This could lead to a vicious circle of rejection and the belief you are unworthy.

This is how to overcome this problem: Adjust your system and treat yourself with kindness.

Recognize what you have to give the world, and be grateful for the good things that inspire you.

11) Don’t I have a boyfriend  You are too busy working on you

Many women wonder what kind of man they would like to be with. You may not be asking the right question. “Do you want a relationship with yourself?”

If you answered no, you might not have a boyfriend. You are still trying to become girlfriend-material.

To attract a particular type of man, you must first become a certain type of girl.

Before you can find the right partner, you must first work to become your best self.

You’ll attract people who are striving to be the best version of you by learning how to do so.

12) Don’t I have a boyfriend  You don’t want to be with someone you don’t like

Imagine that you are interested in a man but don’t want to be with him.

Perhaps he’s single or taken, but emotionally unavailable.

Perhaps he’s too busy to think about his romantic life, or maybe he doesn’t care at all about you.

There are two choices: either wait and hope they come around (which can take forever), or you can do something to move forward.

You are doing yourself a disservice by choosing the first option. It will waste your time and energy chasing after someone who doesn’t understand you.

Although the second option may be more difficult, it is the best for both of you.

It is possible to overcome your emotions by trying to avoid contact with him and slowly processing what has happened.

Recognizing your feelings and those of your partner will help you to move forward and possibly open up to new sources of love.

13) Don’t I have a boyfriend You haven’t asked for assistance

You might be surrounded by people who are eager to take you on a blind date.

Perhaps your friends get tired of you complaining about being single, or having a family member who may be able to help you.

You can always ask for help in any situation.

It’s okay to ask because people you know may know people who are different from you. You might be able to meet up with them through connections or acquaintances.

You might also need help with your social skills, such as dating.

You might find friends who are either married or in a relationship and are able to offer advice on how to flirt with and meet guys.

You can learn a lot from your more successful friends.

Even if your friends and family have the best intentions, they may not be able to fully grasp your situation.

You might also see them from a different perspective.

Do not listen to them, but use your instincts and judgement to make decisions. You know yourself better than anyone.

14) Don’t I have a boyfriend You are too strong

A guy who needs love and attention is more attractive than a woman who is not attracted to him.

Men can feel a sense of urgency and be pushed towards commitment, even if they don’t know you are doing or saying something desperate.

Insecurity and the need for constant reassurance can be from many places. Jumping into a relationship that doesn’t address these issues could cause you more harm.

If you are looking for men to fill a void in your life, you may feel devalued and rejected.

Also, a man wouldn’t like to be in a situation where you are just dating him for the sake of feeling better about yourself.

Each partner in a relationship should see and appreciate the other as they are.

Recommend reading: tips to end clinginess in a relationship

15) Don’t I have a boyfriend Communication skills are not your forte

Because you must communicate throughout a relationship, negotiation and compromise are essential parts of dating.

There will be disagreements that must be resolved and misunderstandings that have to be sorted out.

It can be difficult to find a boyfriend if you are not a good communicator.

You might be unable to express your needs clearly or being too assertive, which could lead to you turning men away.

You may need to balance the way you communicate. It is possible to communicate better with friends and family members.

Ask them what they think you can do better. Then, work on your communication skills.

16) Don’t I have a boyfriend  Too much pressure

When your biological clock starts ticking, the pressure to find a partner is at its highest.

This will be obvious to you because your family will always ask if you are seeing anyone, and all of your friends are in relationships.

You will feel frantic trying to ignore your feelings of shame, fear, and hopelessness. This pressure can even make it impossible to find someone.

You must understand, however, that these reactions are caused by the pressure and not you.

Consider your thoughts about this pressure. Do you feel less like a person because there isn’t a man you can love?

Do you think you are only looking for a man because everyone else is telling you that you do?

When you have your answers, you can repeat them to yourself if you feel overwhelmed.

It is always good to remember that you are a whole person who is loved, regardless of whether you are dating.

17) Don’t I have a boyfriend You don’t feel relaxed enough

Men are more attracted to confident, outgoing girls, but if you seem too shy, awkward or nervous, they might not be interested.

It is important to learn how to relax and have fun with people.

These are some tips to help you be more comfortable around strangers.

– Keep your eyes on the topic: Instead of focusing on what others think about you, pick at your nails and wonder what the other people at the table think.

Instead of judging yourself by what they say, pay attention to what they are saying.

This will not only distract you from feeling self-conscious but it will also help you remember the conversation and bring it up the next time you meet.

They don’t have the right to like you. Confident people don’t care about what others think about them. They know who they are and don’t need other people to like them. You don’t have to feel judged by others. You are free to do what you want.

– Be more truthful: It’s never a bad idea to be honest. Because you are letting yourself be vulnerable, people will see you as being more honest with yourself.

Being authentic is a great way to establish a connection with another person.

18) Don’t I have a boyfriend You don’t know how to flirt

If you have never been in a relationship with someone, flirting can be a hindrance to your ability to date. This skill is not something anyone can master so it presents difficulties once they try it.

Flirting is basically how you communicate your feelings towards someone.

You might not have learned how to flirt if you’ve never had a boyfriend.

If you have the time, learn more about flirting and practice it with friends or by yourself.

It’s okay to just try it out and then laugh at yourself if you feel silly. You’d be able to plan your actions for when the opportunity arises.

Recommend reading: How to flirt like an expert: 27 amazing tips

19) Bad timing

You have everything under control. A good self-esteem, a positive dating history, and you are waiting for the right moment to manifest.

If you are a great catch but everything seems to be against you, what do you do?

Timing can be frustrating because it is one of the few things you have control over.

You might have met someone special, but it is possible that nothing has been romantic.

No matter how much you desire a boyfriend there is no indication of one ever coming along.

don’t I have a boyfriend It is important to be patient. Patience does not mean being passive or ignoring anyone who is interested in you.

Being patient in this situation means that you are happy with singlehood and doing what you love.

This perspective will allow you to live a fulfilled life even without a partner, and you might find yourself happy being single.

How to find a boyfriend

Although life doesn’t always provide what you desire, if you put your efforts into finding the right guy for you, you can make it happen.

This can-do attitude led me to create this 9-step “boyfriend checklist”. These are my 9 action-oriented tips for finding a good boyfriend.

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