fix a marriage that is broken You don’t know how to fix a marriage that is in disarray.
You have probably asked your family, friends, or therapists how you can fix your marriage. They all seem to agree that it is important to communicate and be open with one another.
However, things aren’t always as easy as they seem in your head. All these thoughts are in your head. You also have all of these feelings in you chest.
It can be a horrible feeling to realize that your marriage isn’t working.
This is especially true if your life is intertwined by children and shared resources.
However, there is some good news.
Even though marriages are on the verge of dissolution and divorce, there is still hope for a turning point that can reenergize the relationship.
However, repairing a marriage can be a much more difficult task than fixing one.
Married couples have different expectations and responsibilities than a casual partner. fix a marriage that is broken The stakes are higher in marriage, especially if there are children or you share your resources.
It is possible, even though it sounds difficult.
A broken marriage does not have to be broken forever, just as long as both spouses do their part to fix it.
Fixing your marriage: Why not give it another shot
You haven’t been married for a long time. The average marriage lasts 8 years before it ends in divorce. You may want to give yourself a few more years if you have only been married for a short time and are ready to end your marriage.
This scenario might make you a less than ideal partner. You have a better chance of surviving conflict if you recognize your potential for improvement in your marriage.
Your spouse is willing to meet you halfway. The same goes for your spouse. The marriage can still succeed if your spouse is willing to work with you.
It’s impossible to imagine yourself married to someone else. There is no perfect relationship. Sometimes it takes several attempts before you understand what your relationship needs to be stronger and more happy.
If you don’t want to end your marriage, you have the option of leaving. You should not consider divorce as an option. However, if you are willing to work harder and make things work, your marriage can be saved.
Defeating Divorce: 8 Steps To Fixing A Broken Marriage
You want to repair a marriage that is broken. Your marriage may be broken because of a reason.
Regardless of how bad your relationship is right now, it’s worth saving your marriage: for you, your partner, your family and everything that you have built together.
Here are some steps you can take to fix it.
1) Keep in mind why you are doing it
What you might feel: The marriage is over. You are now at the end of a long road filled with arguments, fighting, and emotional explosions. All you want is to get out.
You feel a part of yourself wants to marry your partner, but it’s not clear why.
What you should feel: You can’t fix a marriage if you don’t love the idea of making it better.
Keep in mind why you fell in Love with your Partner in the First Place, but don’t stop there.
It’s not enough to love someone just to keep it going. A marriage is more than love.
Is your partner really the person you want?
2) Write down all the things you think are wrong in your relationship.
What you might feel after months or years of constant fighting and periods of absolute apathy towards your relationship.
There are no issues. Everything has become a huge, heavy mass that weighs you down and your marriage down.
What you should feel: It doesn’t matter how difficult it is, you must be able to see the whole picture.
Many people attempt to repair their marriages by trying to fix it all. They don’t address every issue individually. Instead, they try to move forward with a positive outlook and the hope that things will work out.
It’s not possible to forget the past. However, it will make it a burden that you and your spouse must bear for the rest your lives.
Make a list of everything, both individually and collectively. This will help you to fully understand the marriage and all that is needed.
What are some examples of common problems in a failing marriage? These are just a few examples of the common problems that can occur in failing marriages. fix a marriage that is broken
Intimacy, affection, and carelessness
Infidelity, both emotional and/or physically
A crisis is unrelated to the one you are currently experiencing.
3) Do what you can do — fix it yourself.
What you might feel: Your spouse is making you sick, and you wish they could see all the mistakes they make and correct them.
While you may have your own problems, your spouse’s issues are more important in a broken marriage.
What you should feel: While you won’t be able fix the problems of your spouse, however they may be, you can fix theirs.
Even if you have fewer flaws than your spouse, it doesn’t mean that you don’t need to improve.
It is enough to hold your spouse accountable for their own mistakes and issues. This shows that you care enough for the marriage to make the necessary changes, even after all of the fighting.
You need to feel a sense again of partnership. This can be started by working together towards a common goal: being better for each other.
Before I go on with the steps for fixing a marriage that isn’t working, I wanted to share a great online resource I found recently.
Click here to view an excellent video that will teach you 3 methods that can help you fix your marriage.
Brad Browning, a top relationship expert, created the video. Brad Browning is a leading relationship expert who can save marriages. His best-selling book is his bestseller and he shares valuable advice via his YouTube channel.
Here is the link to his second video.
Let’s return to the main steps to repairing a marriage. Remember to adapt your situation accordingly.
4) Avoid the emotion and tantrums.
What might you feel? It may feel impossible to have rational, calm conversations with your partner.
One half of you wants to punch them in their faces; the other half just wants to walk away and never speak to them again.
Even with the assistance of a counselor or marriage mediator, it’s impossible to have a conversation with your partner without it turning into a shouting match.
What you should feel: We understand that you are in pain. There is no way to pretend that your partner didn’t hurt you or disappoint you.
fix a marriage that is brokenYou’ve made the conscious decision to repair your marriage. But it’s impossible to do that if you continue acting as you are now.
You can forget about the emotional tantrums. It is important to stop letting your emotions explode and to keep your knees jerked anger at bay.
Your partner will be able to see the value in your efforts to make changes and will cease being defensive or difficult to work with. Find the root cause of the problem and fix it.
5) Recover your Sexual Intimacy
What you might feel: It is possible to feel uncomfortable with your spouse even though they are making advances.
It is possible to believe that you must communicate with your partner and resolve any emotional issues.
What you should feel: Rekindle your physical intimacy. This is the best advice for couples going through turbulence.
Although it won’t go into your marital psychological and emotional conflicts, it can be a good idea to have an intimate relationship with your spouse to improve bonding and reduce tension.
Intimacy between people is promoted by maintaining a physical relationship.
Simple touches such as holding hands, patting the shoulders, or hugging can increase oxytocin levels, which is a hormone that helps with bonding and socialization.
Your brain associates your spouse with positive brain chemicals if you are more intimate with them.
6) Learn to communicate and cooperate.
fix a marriage that is broken what you might feel: This is a continuation of the previous point. You will feel that you don’t want to be with your spouse for a while, even though you have both agreed to try to save the marriage.
It is impossible to ignore the pain and just move on. They will come at you in unexpected ways.
What you should feel: You need to be able to communicate with your partner.
Your wants and needs are not the only thing that matter, but your pains and sorrows.
You need them to be supportive of you, not defensive when anger flares unexpectedly.
This is a partnership. Without cooperation and communication, it is not possible to make this partnership work.
7) Need advice that is specific to your situation
This article outlines the most important steps to fixing your marriage. However, it is a good idea to talk to a relationship coach to discuss your situation.
A professional relationship coach can offer advice that is specific to your life and experiences.
Relationship Hero is a website where highly-trained relationship coaches can help people with complicated or difficult relationships, such as fixing a marriage. This is a popular resource for those who are facing such a challenge.
What do I need to know?
When I was going through a difficult time in my own marriage, I reached out. They helped me to see the dynamics of my relationship after I was lost in my thoughts for so many months.
My coach was so kind, compassionate, and helpful.
You can reach a certified relationship coach in just minutes and receive tailored advice.
Click here to get started
8) Praise small things loud
What you might feel: Your marriage is getting stale. You’re losing sight of what made your marriage so special.
What you should feel: One of the main reasons marriages fail is when people take each other for granted. This little violation can lead to discontent and unhappiness, which can often spiral into bigger problems within a relationship.
It is possible to avoid this by simply thanking your partner in small ways.
Most couples view marriage as less about living with their partner and more about sharing your resources and taking care the children.
Your partner may feel that they have an implicit duty to provide and care for the family.
It is crucial to thank each other for small things like opening the door or making coffee.
It is easy to lose sight of the fact that a committed long-term relationship can be a choice. Your partner will consciously wake up every morning and decide to stay there every day.
They don’t have to marry you to be happy.
Signs that your marriage is irreparable
You might not be the first person to try to save your marriage. fix a marriage that is broken Perhaps you have spent many months, or even years in a limbo state where neither you nor your spouse know if it is time to end a relationship that has caused nothing but pain and uncertainty for everyone.
It takes courage to confront your partner and fix something you loved. But it is also necessary to have the courage to realize that enough is enough.
You don’t have to wait for time. You can spend precious years in a relationship that is not working.
These are the four signs that your marriage is over.
1. Everything is a negotiation.
You and your partner will never reach a point where both of you are willing or able to give more than you desire on any battlefield. They feel the same way.
2. There is no calm discussion.
It’s impossible to talk about anything without feeling angry, upset, frustrated, or cynical. It’s impossible to bear the sound of them entering the room. You can’t communicate with them, so how can you fix it?
3. It’s not the same world.
Transparency is key to a successful partnership. This doesn’t mean that you and your partner need to know everything in your minds.
Nothing will be accomplished if the hands stop working together.
4. It doesn’t seem worth it.
Ask yourself, “Why are you doing this?” Because you love your partner? Because you love your partner? Because you want to ensure that your children have a happy, healthy childhood. It could be because it is what you are supposed to do.
If you feel like you don’t have the energy to do anything, it is time to end your relationship. You must be completely committed to your relationship.
Broken marriages can be very taxing for your mind and soul. Before you start trying to fix them, make sure you are absolutely sure that you want to do it.
If you aren’t fully in your relationship, it will be difficult to make the effort to win them back and persuade them to do so.
Why do marriages fail?
We love to believe that abuse, addiction, and affairs are the reasons marriages fail.
In most cases, however, these problems occur after the marriage has reached an end.
This is not to say that abusive or cheating behavior isn’t problematic.
Understanding why marriages fail is important. It’s also important to understand the key drivers behind this behavior.
This is how it should be viewed: If your partner has wandering eyes, chances are that the relationship is over before you catch him cheating.
Your marriage didn’t fail because he cheated. It was due to events, insecurity, or any other factors that could have caused it.
Marriages do not fail due to circumstances or events. They fail because the people involved are incapable of becoming the spouses they need.
It is more effective to prevent a marriage from falling apart by understanding the root causes of marital problems.
Here are four common reasons why marriages end
1) Failure to reach a compromise
Even the most compatible couple can have their differences. Even though communication preferences and personality traits may make it difficult to communicate, they don’t necessarily mean that the relationship will be smooth.
Couples who are incapable of seeing beyond themselves and meeting their spouses halfway will eventually alienate their partner.
Any marriage without a solid foundation is doomed to fail, even if one of the partners is able to provide one.
2) Misaligned goals and personal beliefs
Some differences can be reconciled while others are set in stone.
Couples who find themselves disagreeing over seemingly minor things don’t realize the source of their disagreement is often very personal beliefs.
This is because your partner may believe in the independence of marriage, while you are more inclined to codependence.
One person might argue that regular meals and spending time together are essential for a marriage. The other party may feel they are impositions.
Some misalignments can be irreconcilable or require a lot more empathy and mindfulness.
3) Sexual Incompatibility
Intimacy is a key component of any relationship, but especially marriage.
Even the most loving couples will fall apart if they don’t have sexual satisfaction.
Intimacy and physical touch bond two people in a way that other interactions cannot.
fix a marriage that is broken Disagreement over bedroom details can lead to one or both of you feeling like you’re being forced to do things that don’t interest you or that your partner is locked into a relationship that won’t satisfy your sexual needs.
4) A lack of a secure sense of self
Insecurity is often the root cause of problems such as addiction, aversion, and even adultery.
People who don’t have a strong personal foundation are more likely to behave badly in relationships. This is because they can’t respect or draw boundaries.
Many people believe that the other person in a relationship or marriage is the antidote to their own weaknesses and faults.
However, having someone in your life will not repair or heal internal wounds.
In the end, marital relationships dissolve because one or both of them have a murky idea about who they are and relied on the marriage for that.
One person will invariably take the marriage bonds for granted without a clear direction.
Another reason marriages fail is:
You will feel neglected if you don’t speak up about your feelings.
Working together on growth as partners
Failure to remain connected and intimate throughout a relationship
A lack of mutual interests and weak platonic foundation
The Four Stages of Marital Breakdown
It’s hard to pinpoint the moment when your marriage became problematic or broken. However, marital problems tend to follow the same pattern regardless of their specifics.
John Gottman, relationship psychologist, identified four stages of marital collapse as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. Each stage represents a new behavior which, if not addressed, could lead to the end of the marriage.
These behaviors, according to psychologists are indicators of divorce. Addressing these issues could improve communication and save a marriage on the verge of dissolution.
Stage 1: Complaints
It looks like this:
Shaming your partner when they make a mistake or going too far in trying to “teach” them a lesson is not a good idea.
Tossing them under the bus, and using superlatives for your relationship description (You never …, You always …)
Instead of focusing on the problem at hand, resort to personal attacks
If married couples want to avoid divorce, they need to learn how to communicate effectively.
fix a marriage that is broken Although conflict, disagreement and miscommunication are common in healthy relationships, complaining instead of constructive criticism is a sign of a troubled marriage.
fix a marriage that is broken Partners who are critical of one another are less likely to be open and cooperative. Partner discord can be caused by complaints that are personal and could lead to an abusive and disrespectful marriage.
Many spouses believe that complaining or repeating negative comments can result in better results. This only makes the relationship worse.
The problem isn’t your spouse not listening or understanding what you’re saying.
It is crucial to maintain a level of respect, even in disagreement, in order to prevent your marriage from falling apart.
Stage 2: Contempt
It looks like this:
Because you are afraid that your conversation will turn into a fight, you avoid certain topics.
fix a marriage that is broken Because you associate negative emotions with your partner, you become withdrawn from them.
Your partner walks around in eggshells trying to save the day.
Spouses who are prone to destructive criticism will undoubtedly move on to the second stage in marriage dissolution, contempt.
Couples become more harsh and brazen in their criticisms and mutual respect and intimacy are eroded until it is impossible to sit in the same place without feeling an ounce of irritation for one another.
This stage is when one’s partner becomes a nuisance and it can affect other aspects of your married life.
Even if you don’t have an argument with your partner, you can start to see them as inferior. This affects your body language, interactions, and overall behavior.
You will find eye-rolling and scoffing a regular part of your daily interactions.
Simple requests and little favors can start to seem imposing and it becomes difficult to imagine spending time together.
fix a marriage that is broken People who treat their spouses with contempt begin to feel less empathy for each other.
Communication becomes more difficult at this point, and partners begin to create automatic defense mechanisms to address the repeated cycle of complaints and contempt.
Stage 3: Defensiveness
It looks like this:
When confronted, turn to automatic responses
Conflict overwhelm can cause sudden explosions
Feeling that there is no way to solve your differences with your partner
A marriage that is in contempt of its spouse will eventually become too overwhelmed to move forward positively.
The toxicity of the marriage eventually causes partners to become so ingrained in their marriage that they are unable to see the good things about it.
Spouses can tune out each other during the defensive stage.
The problem of miscommunication is even worse because both individuals are not open to speaking to each other. They often believe that their partner doesn’t have anything to add or understands them.
Tension in a relationship can be created by the need to protect yourself from your partner. Soon, the marriage will reach the fourth and final stage: disengagement.
Stage 4: Disengagement
fix a marriage that is broken It looks like this:
To avoid spending time with your partner, actively avoid them
To end the conflict, we must agree to apologize and excuse ourselves.
fix a marriage that is broken To appear busy and have more contact with your spouse, you might stay later at work and take on more chores and errands.
The marriage will end when both spouses feel exhausted by the repeatedness of defense and contempt stages, eventually leading to disengagement.
Instead of being overwhelmed by emotions, the chronic problems in a marriage that once needed attention are now so commonplace they are often ignored.
fix a marriage that is broken Both sides feel that the resolution of their problems will not be achieved if they don’t address their concerns.
Because partners no longer want to communicate with one another, divorce is the most common cause of separation.
This stage is when partners become desensitized from one another’s emotions, and they are too mentally drain to feel anger.
If you don’t feel the need to interact and react with your spouse, your marriage will eventually grind to a halt. This can lead to divorce.
How to save your marriage
Let’s be clear, first: Just because you have problems in your marriage doesn’t mean that it must end.
If you feel that your marriage is not on the right track, I urge you to take action now to fix it before things get worse.
This free video from Brad Browning, marriage expert, is a great place to begin. He will explain where you have been going wrong, and what you can do to get your spouse back in love.
Click here to view the video
A marriage can be slowly affected by many things, including distance, lack of communication, and sexual issues. These problems, if not addressed properly, can cause infidelity or disconnect.
Brad Browning is my go-to expert when someone asks about saving a marriage that has failed.
Brad is the best when it comes saving marriages. He is a best-selling author, and shares valuable advice via his YouTube channel.
fix a marriage that is broken These strategies, which Brad shares in this video, are powerful and could make the difference between a happy marriage and an unhappy divorce.
Here is the link to the video.
The Marriage Repair Handbook is a FREE eBook
It doesn’t necessarily mean that a marriage is in trouble.
It is important to act quickly to reverse the trend before things get worse.
Get our FREE eBook to learn practical ways to improve your marriage.
This book has one purpose: To help you save your marriage.
A relationship coach can help you.
A relationship coach can provide valuable advice if you need it.
This is what I have personally experienced…