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How to get a guy to like you 10 Signs You Must Know

2) Trigger his hero instinct

When it comes to attracting a guy to like you, I’m sure you’ve heard enough advice like “dress sexy” or “do your hair” for one lifetime.

But if you’re looking for some practical strategies that actually work, then you’ll love this post.

It’s an actionable 10 point cheat-sheet you can use to get any guy to like you and chase you.

1) How to get a guy to chase you: Flirt…the right way

rounds obvious, right? Some people are natural flirts who always seem to find it easy to make that instant connection with anyone, anywhere.

But most of us don’t always find it easy to flirt.

Have you ever been on a date, assuming that if the chemistry’s there for you, the flirting will come easily? And then you try and flirt and it just doesn’t work out?

You’re not alone, and the good news is that flirting is a skill that you can practice and get good at, just like anything else.

Nerves can make flirting difficult. And those nerves are more likely to kick in when you really like someone.

The killer here is that lack of flirting can come across as bad vibes. Your guy might be expecting a little playful flirting and when it doesn’t happen, he just assumes you’re not interested.

Don’t fall into the trap of expecting the man to do most of the flirting. Most guys love it when a girl gives as good as he does.

Think of flirting is a process of communication. It’s an opportunity for you to show him a little of who you are and open up your personality up to him in a way you don’t to other people.

By flirting, you’re giving him your full attention (and that’s hot).

Here are some tips for flirting:

1) Draw attention to your lips. Yep, this does actually work. Keep chapstick or lipgloss in your bag and get pouty.

2) If you’re in a group of people, say hi while looking at everyone but him. He’ll feel left out. Then include him in the conversation slightly later and it’ll make his day.

3) Do the bump-and-flatter. “Accidentally” run into him in a crowd or at a party and laugh and say: “Oh, sorry – I become a total klutz around cute people”. They’ll be immediately flattered and will want to get to know you.

4) Get eye contact with your crush. Instead of looking away like most people usually, look at him directly, smile and wink. It will show you’re incredibly confident and if he has any balls, he’ll then come talk to you.

5) Check out their clothes. Make a comment about them. This doesn’t usually happen to guys so you’ll appear interested and a conversation should ensue.

6) Playfully hit him. This should help him understand that you like him, and it’s fun!

7) Compare your hand sizes. “Wow, your hands are so much bigger than mine”.

8) Cold and hug. If it’s cold, ask for a cuddle to keep warm.

9) Use back-handed compliments.

For example, you could say, “Your nose is so cute. It wiggles when you laugh.” Or “You’re smile is cute. It’s a little crooked, I love it!”.

These aren’t insults, but they’re simply things that other females who are interested in him won’t say.

It’s like you’re negating your own interest, and making him wonder whether you like him or not. It’s a great, fun way to play “hard to get”.

Don’t use these too often, just occasionally. Remember, giving flat out compliments can make you appear a bit easy, and usually guys love a chase. But these “compliments” are different and will spark the “chase” in him.

Top tip:

If you’re finding flirting hard, try treating it like a joke or a game. Stop worrying about the outcome or whether you’ll get anything back.

It can be easier to make your flirting really obvious, rather than worrying about whether you’re being subtle.

So, if he offers you a drink, say something like “are you trying to take advantage of me?” in a laughing, jokey way.

He’ll get the message you’re interested and you’ll have given him the opportunity to say something flirty back. If he doesn’t, you can move on without being embarrassed, because it’s all just been a joke, right?

2) Trigger his hero instinct2) Trigger his hero instinct

If you want to get a guy to like you, then you need to trigger something deep inside him. Something he desperately needs.

What is it?

For a guy to really like you, he has to feel like your provider and protector. Someone that you genuinely admire.

In other words, he needs to feel like your hero.

I know it sounds kind of silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into their DNA to seek out relationships that allow them to feel like a protector.

Men have a thirst for your admiration. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide for and protect her.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

When it comes to a relationship, he needs to see himself as someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

There’s actually a term for what I’m talking about here. It’s called the hero instinct.

Now, you can’t trigger his hero instinct just giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.

A man wants to feel like he has earned your love and respect.


There are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.

And because no man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero, it’s worth learning a few of these things.

If you want to learn more about this powerful technique (from the man who invented it), then check out his short video here.

Top tip:

If you can trigger this instinct successfully, you’ll see the results immediately.

When a man genuinely feels like your hero, he’ll become more loving, attentive, and interested in being in a committed relationship with you.

The hero instinct is a subconscious drive men have to gravitate toward people who make them feel like a hero. But it’s amplified in his romantic relationships.

That’s why I recommend watching this free online video where you can learn more about the hero instinct.

3) Be yourself to get a guy to like you

There is no point in trying to catch your man by pretending to be someone you’re not.

Sure, you might get that date and, if you’re willing to keep up the pretense, even a relationship.

But acting like someone you’re not isn’t easy, and it’s also a complete waste of time. If the guy you want doesn’t want to date you as you actually are, you’re setting yourself and them up for disappointment.

It’s also pretty likely that your guy will start to notice that maybe you’re not being yourself.

When you’re constantly pretending, you tend not to be particularly relaxed, even if you think you are, and that shows.

Nervousness can be cute for a while, but it’s not sexy. You want to be giving off those super-hot, strong-woman vibes. If you’re trying to be someone else, that won’t be happening.

But while it’s easy to say that you want to be yourself, doing it can be hard. Think about the way young kids are – or try to remember what it was like to be one yourself.

Small kids haven’t been around long enough to try and spend all their time people-pleasing or living up to some preconceived idea of who they should be.

The attitude of the average three-year-old is ‘take me as I am’.

Top tip:

Try and channel your inner child. That doesn’t mean you should be selfish or lack self-awareness. It just means you should try and get back to the essence of who you actually are.

Take a pen and paper and, without giving yourself time to think about it, write down words that you think describe your innate good qualities. Maybe you’re creative? Daring? Funny? Easygoing? Ambitious? What are the good things that make you who you are?

When you know yourself and you know how to bring out your best qualities, many guys will want to chase you.

(To learn how to discover the real you, check out our guide to being your true self here)

Hang out in the places they are4) Hang out in the places they are

It’s an obvious one, but you’re not going to bag the man of your dreams if you’re not where they are.

But this doesn’t mean that you should pretend you’re into things that you’re not, just to get your guy.

Focus first on your own interests. What do you love doing? If you can meet the right guy doing something you both love, your shared interest will give you a great foundation for a relationship.

Some of your interests might seem solitary, but there’s often a way to make even solo interests social activities. So, if you run, join a running club.

Or perhaps you have some interests that are pretty social, but generally, involve going out with your existing friends.

That’s always fun, but it’s often hard to meet a guy when you’re busy with your friends. Try and expand your social circle beyond the people you usually go out with. Maybe there’s a Meetup group or similar that you could join.

Think about what’s important to you in a man. If you know that you really want to be with someone who loves outdoor activities, find groups going hiking or rock climbing. If you love good food and wine, look for wine tastings and gourmet food events.

Top tip:

If there’s someone you’ve set your sights on already, and you’re not sure if you have any shared interests, look for the common ground between you. It might not always be obvious what that is.

You should never pretend you like doing something just because they do, but it doesn’t hurt to stretch yourself a little either.

For example, if you know that they’re into kayaking, and you’ve never done it but you’ve always thought it would be fun to try, maybe now’s the time to give it a go.

And if you can’t find any common ground at all, think hard about whether they’re really the right one for you.

5) Don’t think too much about the next stage

Image credit: Shutterstock – By InnerVisionPRO

When you’re trying to set up those early dates with someone new, it can be hard not to get carried away with yourself.

It’s natural to want to daydream about future dates and plans, and there’s nothing wrong with a little dreaming. We all do it.

But getting too carried away with the future can kill any potential relationship stone dead.

Living in the future means you’re not enjoying the present. If you’re out to dinner and all you’re thinking about is what you’ll do for your next date, you’re not focusing on what’s actually happening.

That can lead to you seeming distracted or uninterested (when it’s actually the opposite), and put your date off coming back for more.

It can also mean you give off vibes of being a little too heavy, even if you don’t mention the future at all.

It can seem like you’re making an assumption about what will happen next, and that’s off-putting for a lot of people.

Put yourself in their shoes: do you want a date that’ll assume he’s getting the next date? Or do you want them to just enjoy what’s happening, there and then, and worry about the next date, next?

In the early stages of dating, before you make any kind of commitment, most people want to feel like they can walk away without any drama if it turns out it’s not for them.

Top tip:

The early dating phase is your opportunity to size him up, so use it.

If you’ve already created a fantasy in your head, you might find it’s hard to see past that fantasy and read the signs that this isn’t the guy for you.

If you feel like you’re having doubts, don’t ignore them, but don’t act on them yet. Keep them at the back of your head, enjoy the moment and let it all unfold naturally.

If the doubts are still there after a few more dates, reassess.

6) Say the right things

Why do men fall for certain women but not others?

Well, according to the science journal, “Archives of Sexual Behavior”, men don’t choose women for “logical reasons”.

The truth is that trying to convince a man or show him how amazing you always backfire. Because you’re sending him the opposite signals of what he needs to commit to you.

Instead, men choose women who they are infatuated with. With the right words, these women stir up a sense of excitement and desire to chase them.

Top tip:

Get yourself a relationship coach!

You see, relationships can be rather confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.

I’ve always been hesitant about getting outside help, but I’m happy I tried it out.

Relationship Hero is the best site I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talking. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations such as getting the guy you’ve always liked!

Personally, I tried them last year while going through a love crisis. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.

My coach was kind. They took the time to really understand my unique situation and gave genuinely helpful advice.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

7) Feel and look good

Image credit: Shutterstock – By Lipik Stock Media

There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who looks good, feels good, and knows it. It’s sexy as hell.

And when you feel good about yourself, you naturally project that feeling outwards. Others pick up on it, and their interest and desire is stoked.

What does it take for you to feel good about yourself? Only you know that. You’ve probably read loads of tips telling you to buy some sexy new lingerie, get a new haircut, or try a higher heel.

All these things can help, sure, but only if they’re things that mean something to you. If you’re just not lacy lingerie and high-heels kind of girl, they’re not going to work for you.

They’ll just make you feel out of sorts and uncomfortable.

Think broader. Feeling amazing is not about other people’s expectations, it’s about you.

Maybe your route to feeling sexy is going for a run or spending time reading or listening to amazing music.

Maybe it’s beating your targets at work or going out for cocktails with the girls. It’s whatever it takes to feel you’re living life to the full.

The key thing here is that looking good and feeling sexy is about way more than just the clothes you wear or how you style your hair.

These things are great things to do, but unless they’re important to you, they won’t demonstrate that inner sexiness that men find really attractive.

Top tip:

By looking good on the outside, you’re showing your guy that you’re great to look at, but that’s all you’re really showing.

Find a way (your way) to let that inner, confident sexiness shine out, and you’re showing him that you’re going to be fantastic in bed, able to match him as an equal.

8) Be open to dating in various forms

Dating doesn’t all have to be about dinners out and cocktail bars. Those things are fun, sure, and probably near the top of most people’s dating to-do lists.

But they can also feel like a little bit of a performance, and it’s hard sometimes to really let yourself shine out on those kinds of dates, or to get a good idea of what your date is like.

There’s a lot of pressure to look perfect and be perfect, which means you’re not really being yourself. And, as you’re fabulous, you want them to know that, right?

Treat dating as an adventure, rather than a performance. Think of it as a chance to do things together, rather than just showing him what you’ve got.

First dates are often best as low-pressure drinks in a bar, somewhere you can relax and leave easily if it doesn’t go to plan.

If you’re relaxed, he will be too and the chances are, your ‘one drink’ will turn into a multi-bar crawl and a fantastic night.

After that, well, going for dinner is great. But think too about the other things you can do. What about going ice-skating, or taking a walk that ends in a lazy lunch, or doing an art class together?

Look for mutual interests and then find the dates that will suit you both. Doing things together (other than just drinking and eating!) gives you the chance to show off your passions.

It is a fantastic opportunity for all that inner confidence and sexiness to shine out.

Top tip:

Dating could be a great opportunity to try your hand at something totally new to both of you. Why not both put a few ideas in a hat, things you’ve always wanted to try, and pick out a couple at random? It’ll be a real adventure!

9) Don’t stop seeing other people

In the early stages of dating it’s all too easy to forget that the person you’re into right now might not be the person you want in a month’s time.

That’s just the nature of a crush. You like them, you want to spend time with them, and your brain just seems to naturally filter out everyone else.

It’s a mistake to let this happen too quickly. Because however right the guy in front of you now might turn out to be, you’re moving too fast if you start thinking of him as a certain bet too early.

If things work out, you’ve got the rest of your life to commit. This time, right now, is the time to allow yourself to dream and experiment.

It’s time to remind yourself that you might be wrong about the amazing guy you’re dating.

Tomorrow might be the day they tell you they still live with their parents aged 30 and have no plans to move out.

And you’ll be kicking yourself for turning down that date with the fun, interesting guy with a great apartment your friend introduced you to last week.

There’s also the fact that if your guy knows, or suspects, that you’re still seeing others, he’ll have to focus his mind on whether he really wants you or not.

If he runs just because there might be a little competition, maybe he just wasn’t that into you at all and you’ve had a lucky escape.

Top tip:

You never know what’s going to happen next in the early stages of dating. Keep reminding yourself of that and stop looking for certainty.

The beauty of this stage is the uncertainty. Embrace it.

10) Make him feel appreciated

For a man, feeling appreciated is often what separates “like” from “love”.

Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!

This is because men have a built-in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else —  or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to earn your respect, and to be there for the woman he cares about.

Relationship expert James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behaviour and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?

You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape, or form.

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfil it.

In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts, and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.

Top tip:

Men thrive on solving women’s problems.

So, if you need something fixed, or your computer is acting up, or if you have a problem in life and you simply need some advice, then seek your man out.

A man wants to earn your respect. He wants to be the first person you turn to when you genuinely need help.

Although asking for your man’s help may seem fairly innocuous, it actually helps to trigger his hero instinct.

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