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11 Signs That You Are a Nice Guy Syndrome

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Live your life to benefit others

Are you a nice guy?

I was once that way, but now I am not.

Here are the reasons I changed.

11 signs that you are a nice guy syndrome

Live your life to benefit others1) Live your life to benefit others

What is the nice guy syndrome?

Simple, really:

This is where being a “nice man” or a nice person is your driving motivation in life.

Your life is lived in order to please others.

You may get infected by the nice guy syndrome for many reasons.

This can be due to your upbringing, cultural values, genetics, psychological disposition, or just simple habits.

Terrifying thoughts of someone hating you or strongly disagreeing with you can scare you.

People should think well about you and be open to accepting you. You should live your life in a way that is “right” and easygoing to others. Even if this means ignoring your dreams or interests.

The end result is…

2) Your life keeps going in circles

Your life will continue to spiral if you have nice guy syndrome.

It is easy to see why:

While you may be able to please others, even if they are happy that you do what you want, you will always end up back at square one.

What is the most important thing in your life? Who are you truly drawn to? What is your purpose in life, other than pleasing others?

Although you may have some ideas, it’s difficult to break the cycle of disempowerment if you continue to conform to others’ standards and expectations.

This is the truth, with no sugar-coating

It doesn’t make you any progress in your life. It doesn’t.

You may even lose your self-respect!

3) You feel helpless and powerless

Justin Brown, Ideapod founder, says in his video that “when we make an effort to care for other people’s emotions, what we really do is we live our lives according the values and standards other people.”

This can lead to living a life that is not right for you and others.

It will always leave you back at square 1.

The way forward is actually quite simple. It’s to find your purpose, then pursue it with all your being, even if you get criticized.

4) You are against your own interests

You may find yourself deciding that your purpose is best left behind or that it’s better to do what others expect. This can have serious consequences.

It is easy to end up pursuing your own interests.

This could become a real problem.

You might be a boss at work and just do what your boss tells you, despite the fact that you have many ideas that can greatly improve your company’s performance.

You don’t want the other person to be upset and you are afraid of taking a chance so you keep your mouth shut.

Your boss is furious when your coworker tries to be more assertive and offers a similar idea. You get a massive salary increase and a promotion to a higher-ranking position that allows you to have more control.

You are, however, still at the bottom, shuffling papers, because you were afraid to disturb any feathers.

Another example is being so kind to your girlfriend you end up becoming more of a “friend”, than a romantic partner.

5) You get taken advantage of

Another sign of nice guy syndrome that is very dangerous is the fact that you are often taken advantage of.

Kindness and consideration of others are a positive trait. However, being a “nice guy” is when you act like a doormat.

You want to avoid offending others or being against their standards.

People see this as a way to manipulate you by making you feel dislikable, disagreeable, or even shunned.

You are easily taken advantage of professionally and personally by people who will not mind acting in your own interests and clashing when necessary.

While they may feel guilty about exploiting you, it is not impossible to be so dependent on others for validation.

A large portion of the people you interact with will choose to profit from your lack of solidarity.

6) Friendship is possible in relationships

You know what it means to be friendzoned if you have been.

No one is under any obligation to have a romantic or sexual relationship with anyone else. However, being friends is an exceptional experience.

This is when you feel romantic feelings for someone, but they view you only as a friend.

You see the platonic side of a relationship when it is romantic.

Not getting what you want is being friendzoned

That’s the beauty of nice guy syndrome.

You don’t always get what you want. In most cases, you don’t even have a clue what you want.

This is what I call a loss-lose.

7) You become a doormat to others’ problems

Another sign of the nice guy syndrome is your tendency to become a doormat for other people’s problems.

You are afraid of being “bad” or letting anyone down, so you end up being the understanding person who is always there to help.

You might give advice or not. But people see you as someone who is available to listen to their stories on the phone and in person about the drama in their lives.

It’s one thing to be trusted with your personal problems, but you soon realize that you’re no longer a functional person.

When they’re down, you’re the one who listens.

You’re not the one they drink with when they’re up.

That really is all.

8) You are overworked and underpaid

The most dangerous sign of nice guy syndrome, is when you are overworked and underpaid.

It can be very difficult to find work and make a living in the world of money and employment. People who aren’t willing to stand up for themselves often get taken advantage by unscrupulous employers.

Learning to recognize your worth and be a good guy is part of being nice.

This holds true for your personal and romantic relationships, as well as your professional life.

You can become a corporate doormat if you put too much effort into pleasing your superiors, coworkers and colleagues.

You lose a piece of yourself when you let your desires and goals go to satisfy the needs of others.

It’s not easy to get it back.

9) You are manipulated into believing unhelpful beliefs

Another sign of nice guy syndrome that can be very dangerous is the tendency to be manipulated into believing unhelpful things.

This does not mean that you are manipulated into joining cults or “weird” religious systems. One person’s cult may be another’s utopia.

They are “unhelpful”, in the sense that they convince you to join and to financially and personally support groups that end up stealing your time, energy and money.

…Spiritual or religious pyramid schemes can leave you feeling like you’ve been used, regardless of whether they are valid or not.

You can end up spending thousands on slick gurus that promise you happiness, only to ask for another thousand dollars before you find the true, ultimate truth.

And so on.

You should be cautious about how much faith you place in spiritual gurus or belief systems that demand a lot from you and tell you that you are not worth it.

10) You are placed as a last priority, and your lot is canceled.

Another sign of the nice guy syndrome that can be devastating and time-consuming is when you get canceled on many things.

People trust you because you are a nice guy so they don’t worry about you making promises and cancelling them.

You’ll understand, right? It’s all fine, isn’t it?

You wouldn’t be upset or cause trouble, so why stress about it?

You’ll be surprised at how respectful these people are to others.

Why?

Simple:

They know that they can’t allow themselves to be coerced into following other people and using them as a backup plan.

11) You lose respect for yourself

If a person is too kind, it can lead to a loss of respect.

Romantic partners, bosses and work colleagues, as well as friends, family, and strangers, might see you in a way that doesn’t believe in yourself.

Unconsciously or conscious, I am overly kind and pleasing to other people. It is like saying, “I need your validation to live a life. Tell me what to do.”

Subtle aggression is when you’re too kind. You are asking others to validate your good behavior and give it their approval.

However, that is not the way life works. People often behave differently than we would like or believe they “deserve”.

You will end up stumbling in the web of your own expectations if you place all your hope on them.

Even though they may be well-intentioned, even your closest friends will eventually lose respect for your need to have external validation.

The saddest part is that you eventually lose respect for yourself if you are too kind and too people-pleaser.

No more Mr. Nice Guy

Alice Cooper, a rocker, sang the following in 1990’s “No More Mr. Nice Guy”:

“No more Mister Nice Guy!”

Mister Clean is gone!

No more Mister Nice Guy!

He said, “You’re sick. You’re obscene!”

You don’t have to be a rockstar wearing red leather pants for thirty years in order to stop being a “nice man.”

You can still take the message of the song’s main theme to heart.

Instead of trying to fulfill the expectations of others, you should start focusing on your own.

If you live your life according to everyone else’s rules, the devastating signs of nice man syndrome will begin to appear.

Instead of waiting for others permission, live your life on your terms.

When you make the commitment to living your dream life, instead of following someone else’s lead, you will be happier and more energetic.

A relationship coach can help you.

A relationship coach can provide valuable advice if you need it.

This is what I have personally experienced…

Relationship Hero helped me through a difficult time in my life a few months back. I was lost in my thoughts so much that they provided me with a unique insight into my relationship dynamics and the best way to get it back on track.

Relationship Hero is a website where highly-trained relationship coaches can help couples navigate difficult and complicated love situations.

You can reach a certified relationship coach in just minutes and receive tailored advice.

My coach was so kind, compassionate, and helpful.

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