You know that you must move on in your life and stop overthinking.
This much is obvious.
How can you move forward when you feel like crap?
How can you move on when your one true love has cheated on you with another person?
At the moment, it seems impossible.
It is something I should have known. The exact same thing happened to me two years ago.
My partner cheated on me with another man. It was absolutely heartbreaking.
The good news is?
I was eventually able to get out of that situation and become a stronger, better human being.
Today’s article will describe what I found to be the most effective.
Twelve steps to help you get over being cheated upon
1. stop overthinking: Be open to how you feel
Accepting what you feel right now is difficult.
Trust me, it’s true. If you are feeling like me, you probably feel upset, betrayed and down, and you start to question your self-worth.
These feelings are normal, but you must understand them.
These feelings will stay with you no matter how hard you try to ignore them.
I tried to be brave and ignore my emotions, but it didn’t work.
I tried to live a normal life, and though people assumed that I was fine, I was actually hurting inside.
It was not until I realized that I was hurt and upset that I started to move on.
Accepting your feelings can be difficult.
Although I have never felt comfortable sharing my emotions, writing was a way that I found helped me.
Writing has the ability to slow down my mind and organize the information in my head. Writing allows you to feel your emotions.
Journaling allows you to express your emotions in a safe place. No one will read what you write.
It could be anger, sadness, or betrayal. Let it all out. Let those feelings out.
Jeremy Nobel, MD and MPH, writes in the Harvard Health Blog that people should write about their hearts and mind to make sense of the world.
Writing is a great way to express your feelings and explore them. It helps you understand yourself and the world around you. You will feel closer to yourself when you have a better understanding of your thoughts and feelings — called self-knowledge.
These are the questions to ask if you want to start journaling.
What are you feeling?
What’s my purpose?
What are you trying to do differently in your life?
These questions will help you understand your emotions and encourage you to think about the possibilities.
2)stop overthinking: Need advice that is specific to your situation
This article focuses on the most common methods to get over being cheated on. However, it is a good idea to talk to a relationship coach to discuss your situation.
A professional relationship coach can offer advice that is specific to your life and experiences.
Relationship Hero is a website where highly-trained relationship coaches can help people navigate difficult and challenging love situations such as infidelity. These coaches are a popular resource for those who face this type of problem.
What do I need to know?
When I was going through a difficult time in my own marriage, I reached out at Relationship Hero. I was lost in my thoughts so much that they provided me with a unique insight into my relationship dynamics and how to get it back on the right track.
My coach was so kind, compassionate, and helpful.
You can reach a certified relationship coach in just minutes and receive tailored advice.
3) stop overthinking: Don’t be ashamed
Although there were many difficult parts, the worst part was the feeling of betrayal when my partner cheated on me.
It destroyed my self-esteem. It made me feel inadequate.
Even though my relationship was not perfect, having someone I believed to be committed change their mind about me hurts more than I can say.
People often blame themselves for being cheated upon. “Wasn’t I enough?” “Did he provide enough fun?” Excitement? Support for the emotions
These questions don’t have to be asked. These questions made me feel like sh*t because I couldn’t give an accurate answer.
It doesn’t matter what your partner did. Your partner shouldn’t be held responsible for their actions.
It is futile to obsess over what could be or would have been. It is futile.
Very Well Mind has some amazing advice.
Blaming yourself, your partner or third parties won’t make any difference and is a waste of energy. If you’re unable to help yourself, don’t play the victim or sink into self-pity. You will feel worse about yourself and more helpless.
It is not healthy to examine what went wrong and it is certainly not productive.
It may be difficult right now, but instead of dwelling in the past, look ahead to the future and the possibilities.
It was incredibly difficult for me to see, but it was strangely liberating. It gave me new skills for dealing with difficult situations.
I have become wiser and more mature. It will be a stronger relationship for me in the future.
The best way to deal with it is to view it as an exit from something that was not right for you.
If you are staying in a relationship, it is a sign that something needs to change. Your relationship will benefit in the long term if you do this.
4) stop overthinking: Let go of jealousy and avoid taking negative actions
It’s heartbreaking to find out that you have been cheated upon. That’s something I can attest to.
It is easy to react in the moment. Don’t react to the emotions or your head.
Do not destroy property or cause injury to anyone.
It is not worth it. You won’t find peace, and it will ruin any chance of saving the relationship (if you choose).
You’ll be glad that you didn’t act on your anger when the dust settles.
You can take some time to relax, slow down and collect your thoughts.
You’ll be able to focus on your next steps if you are calm and clear-headed.
The feeling of jealousy is likely to be rampant at the moment. It happens to everyone who has been cheated on.
Remember that the partner who was supposed to be loyal was with someone else even if it was only briefly.
This is what I couldn’t get out my head.
Who was this person? Are they more attractive than I am? Are they better in bed?
These are not questions you should ask, just blaming or acting rashly.
You must let go of jealousy if you want to be able to forgive your partner.
Jealousy can lead you to resentment. As the old saying goes, “Resentment is like a poison that you drink and then wait for another person to die.”
Bustle explains why jealousy is such a futile emotion.
Although jealousy is a strong emotion, it doesn’t allow for logic. You can’t think clearly and express yourself well when you’re in a jealous fog.
Don’t get me wrong. It’s important that you speak with your partner, not to their face.
Ask questions and listen attentively.
You don’t have to end the relationship and throw your hands up in the air.
While it might be necessary to take a break from your emotions, this could also be the wake-up call that you and your partner need.
5) stop overthinking: What are you really looking for?
Can a cheating spouse have a successful relationship? Absolutely.
It is about understanding the reasons for this trust breach and how to fix it.
It’s hard to make a decision about whether or not to end your relationship with your partner.
It’s going to differ for everyone.
Are you a young parent? Kids? Are you in a relationship with no fixed ties?
My partner and I had no concrete ties, which made it much easier for me to end the relationship.
It might be more challenging if you have children and a house.
Remember that there is no right or wrong answer.
Some couples are able to move past infidelity and build a stronger, more loving relationship. Other couples don’t.
Amy Anderson, a relationship expert offers great advice for those who have been cheated upon:
“Follow your heart. Do a weekend of soul-searching alone, away from all distractions. You can get the right answer by getting centred with a clear head.
If you’re happy with your cheating partner, that’s what you should do. But if you’re not sure or unable to move on, you’ll have your answer.”
Tell your partner to be quiet for a while, so that you can think and, most importantly, determine if you will ever forgive your partner for cheating.
6. stop overthinking: These are questions to ask if you suspect your partner of cheating on you.
1) Are they aware of the hurt they have caused? Are they even aware of how they have hurt you? Do they really regret what they did?
2) Are you aware of the extent of their cheating? 2) Have they been open with you about their cheating?
3) Can you move on? Will the memory of their cheating always haunt us? Are you able to trust them again
4) Is it worth keeping the relationship? Is it worth saving the relationship? Or should we just move on?
Understanding the true meaning of love
Cheating is like getting a kick in your guts.
It does, however, give you an opportunity to assess what true love looks like. You can also evaluate whether your expectations about love are realistic.
Watching the video on love and intimacy from Ruda Iande (a world-renowned shaman), I realized that I had been trapped for too long by the dream of a perfect romance.
Westerners are obsessed with romantic love. We see movies and TV shows about happy couples who live happily ever after.
Naturally, we want it for our own good.
Although romantic love sounds beautiful, it is unrealistic.
Experts believe that the idea has been around for only 250 years. People used to get together for practical reasons, usually to survive or have children.
This masterclass taught me that romantic love should not be the only standard for judging the success of relationships.
I was able to accept that not all romances are created equal. This allowed me to live my life as I wanted. This also allowed me to have meaningful relationships, even if they weren’t perfect.
Ruda Iande taught me another very important lesson.
Truth is, we often overlook something that is vital in our lives.
Our relationship with ourselves.
Ruda Iande, a shaman, taught me about this. He gives you the tools and techniques to place yourself in the centre of the world with his free, authentic video on building healthy relationships.
He discusses some of the most common mistakes we make in our relationships. Most of us don’t even realize we make these mistakes.
So, why do I recommend Ruda’s life-changing advice to you?
He uses techniques that are based on ancient shamanic teachings but add his modern twist to them. Although he may be a shaman his love experiences were not much different from yours.
These common problems he faced until he discovered a solution. He wants to share that with you.
If you are ready to make a change and create healthy, loving relationships that you love, the relationships you deserve, then check out his honest advice.
If you are struggling to live after being cheated on, it’s a great resource.
7) stop overthinking: Do not try to be even
It can be tempting to react angrily when your partner cheats.
To be truthful, my first thought was to end the relationship with my partner and have a great time trying to find the most beautiful woman.
Looking back, it’s clear that I was wrong. It’s a desperate, petty, toxic energy-filled act that will do no good and, most importantly, won’t bring you any good.
Jane Greer, PhD is a New York-based relationship expert.
“Trying to get even keeps anger alive and keeps you in a negative state, which will stop you from moving forward and living a happy life.”
Irina Firstein LCSW, a couple of therapists, says that “getting even” will give the vengeful partner a temporary sense of satisfaction.
“But it won’t move you towards any resolution, and will only make matters more complicated.”
8) stop overthinking Take care of yourself
We discussed the emotions you are undoubtedly feeling. An act as extreme as infidelity can cause emotional and physical damage.
Perhaps you feel more stressed than usual. You might be finding it hard to focus without thinking about the past.
As I mentioned above, I was having more trouble sleeping than usual and was feeling more stressed. Even though I told myself and everyone else that I was fine, I wasn’t.
It is normal. However, you must take care of yourself during these turbulent times.
Think about the people you love and respect in your life.
How should you treat them? Be kind, patient and forgiving if they make mistakes.
Think about how you treat yourself. Are you giving yourself the respect and love you deserve?
It’s now more important than ever that you treat yourself well.
It is important to take care of your body, mind, and needs.
These are just a few of the many ways you can show self-love to your body and mind.
– Properly sleeping
Give yourself space and time to explore your spirituality
– Exercising regularly
– Show gratitude to yourself and others
– Playing when and where you need it
– Avoid vices and toxic influences
Meditation and reflection
What number of these activities are you allowed to indulge in?
Take action to take care of your body.
9) stop overthinking Discuss it with someone who can see it from your point of view
Talking about your feelings and the events that occurred is important, but it’s best to do so with the right person.
If your heart is broken and your feelings are already bad, you don’t need someone telling you why the infidelity is your fault.
Talk to someone who will not try to convince you to understand the experience or what you can learn.
A friend reminded me of all the wrong things I had done in my relationship.
10. stop overthinking: This was not what I needed to hear. It only made me feel worse.
Make sure they are emotionally intelligent, positive, and supportive.
You might also not want to talk to your partner if you have friends who are close to you. It is impossible to predict which side they will take.
stop overthinking: Talk to your partner
It’s not always easy to know how to approach this. This is something that I did not bother to do, I will be honest. I had a short chat with my ex-partner, but I knew I wanted to end the relationship so I just wanted to move forward.
If you aren’t sure what you want or want to stay with your current path, it’s a good idea for you to talk about it.
You’ll first need to collect all information. Do you have evidence that your partner cheated on you?
Sheri Meyers, a relationship therapist, says that without proof you will appear (or be treated as) a distrusting fool.
Try to envision the outcome you want before you start a confrontation
Are you truly willing to be together? Are you ready to see how remorseful they really are?
Robert C. Jameson, a family therapist, says that sometimes you might not know.
You might respond, “I need to talk to him/her to get clarity. You don’t know what you want.
The next thing is to decide on a suitable place and time for your conversation.
You can feel safe in a space that is familiar and secure.
It is important to listen to your partner’s explanations for cheating, no matter how difficult it may be.
April Masini, a relationship expert, said that “Cheating does not happen in a vacuum” and that it is important to be open about your role in the relationship.
It’s easy to be a victim. But cheaters often feel neglected, mistreated, or unvalued.
This doesn’t excuse the behaviour of that person, but it does explain it and shows that cheating was a symptom rather than the main problem.
Whatever outcome you desire, it is important to talk about your partner’s infidelity if you want to repair the relationship or end it with closure.
People cheat for many reasons. Sometimes they may be in love with their partner at the time.
Both men and women may have extramarital affairs for a variety of reasons, including sex addiction, payback, personal insecurity, or sexual insecurity.
Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist, said that while none of these are ideal, understanding why is a good thing.
Although it will be difficult to confront your partner, it is something you must do if you want to continue your relationship.
11) stop overthinking It is possible to save your relationship, but it will take effort
Infidelity is often a sign of deeper, more long-lasting problems in the relationship. It can be a great chance for a couple discover what’s not working in their relationship and how to fix it.
Professional help is highly recommended if both partners are determined to save their relationship.
A coach from Relationship Hero can help you in instancing and save your relationship.
They were a great help during the worst time in my love life. They were able to cut through the noise and offer real solutions.
My coach was able to take the time to understand my situation and offered genuine advice.
Relationship Hero is a place where you can get tailored advice that suits your needs.
12) stop overthinking Find new meaning in life
What is the most important piece of advice that you get from your friends?
If you’re anything like my friends, it’s telling you to “go out and have a great time with your friends”.
It’s solid advice but it doesn’t create new meaning in your life if you don’t include your partner.
It doesn’t matter if you decide to stay in your relationship or marriage, it is important to make new connections in your daily life.
Your relationship is the reason you are feeling so bad right now.
Being in love gives us a sense of meaning.
People who are in a serious relationship or have just married often speak about how they feel a renewed sense of purpose, meaning, and direction.
It’s something I remember feeling when I began my relationship.
Here’s what you need to know:
Not only can you feel fulfilled in a relationship, but so is being in a relationship.
You’ll feel happier and more fulfilled if you have other meanings in your life.
This is important for you, regardless of whether you have decided to continue the relationship/marriage.
Before we dive into how you can find new meanings, it is important to remember that your attitude has a lot of influence on what you see.
Viktor Frankl, a former concentration camp inmate during the Second World War, wrote a book called Man’s search for Meaning.
He spoke about how even the most difficult of circumstances could seek connection and belonging.
People who are almost hungry would share their last bite of bread with others to offer comfort. Everything is motivated by meaning.
Frankl’s most famous quote is “Our greatest freedom, the freedom to choose how we feel.”
This is a crucial thing to remember after being cheated upon. You are experiencing a chaotic, uncontrollable situation right now.
It feels like our emotions are taking over and we don’t have the power to stop them.
We fear that our lives will not be the ones we hoped they would be. Frankl would suggest that we find meaning by changing our attitudes and finding another way to see it.
These are some ways to find meaning in your life.
1) Develop your friendships
Friendships can provide a lot of the same feeling of belonging as your main partner.
This includes one-on-one friendships and friendship groups. You can work towards making friends if you don’t already have them.
Find something you enjoy doing and make connections with people. Reconnect with old friends that you haven’t seen in a while.
Spend some quality time with a friend over a cup of coffee.
2) Get involved in your community
This does not have to be charity work, although it could. This could be as simple as being aware of those around you.
Offer to deliver parcels to neighbours, or to check in on someone’s cat while they are away.
3) Become a better listener.
You can learn a lot from others. Instead of jumping in with a response, listen with an open mind and the intention to understand.
Most likely, your friends have been through a split. You might learn something from them.
4) Stop comparing yourself to others.
It is possible to compare yourself with other people, especially those in happy relationships.
It’s not a good idea to compare yourself with others. Everybody has their own circumstances. You don’t know the truth about someone’s life or their relationships.
It is better to be compassionate and accept that we all are equal. Take a look inside and let go of the need to compare.
5) Connect with your inner wisdom.
It can be exhausting to constantly look at others for guidance and advice. Be still and listen to what you feel.
6) Release guilt.
Don’t try to prove you aren’t enough. You may be cheated on but that doesn’t make you less worthy. There are many reasons relationships can end.
It is more likely that the person being cheated on didn’t have anything to do with you. Do not let your mind fall into the cognitive bias that everything is your fault. Instead, choose self-compassion.
The Marriage Repair Handbook is a FREE eBook
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It is important to act quickly to reverse the trend before things get worse.
Get our FREE eBook to learn practical ways to improve your marriage.
This book has one purpose: To help you save your marriage.
A relationship coach can help you.
A relationship coach can provide valuable advice if you need it.
This is what I have personally experienced…
Relationship Hero helped me through a difficult time in my life a few months back. I was lost in my thoughts so much that they provided me with a unique insight into my relationship dynamics and the best way to get it back on track.