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The 7 Steps to Success for Getting Children to Listen


The 7 Steps to Success for Getting Children to Listen: Your child has been requested to perform an action. really firmly very logically And very purposefully.

You get the kid-equivalent of crickets in place of action. Phone silence You speculate, “Perhaps they didn’t hear me.” You politely inquire once more. pleasantly but firmly Nothing.

You feel yourself slipping into the routine of “Repeat. Remind. Repeat. Remind” very quickly.

The fuse blows, and that’s when it happens. You’re left yelling the identical requests you had made gently moments earlier as you feel completely defeated. Everyone feels disappointed and discouraged as the energy rises.

I got it. And most parents agree. Since I’ve been teaching parenting skills for more than 15 years, I can categorically state that parents’ top complaint about their kids is that they “don’t listen.”

The truth is that you must first determine WHY your child is not listening if you hope to address his lack of responsiveness. The majority of the time, his lack of responsiveness is a symptom rather than the main issue.

If you don’t deal with this problem at its source, you’ll undoubtedly observe how a straightforward case of “not listening” develops into more serious behavioral problems like tantrums, stubbornness, and backtalk.

Why Don’t Kids Listen?

The 7 Steps to Success for Getting Children to Listen

A good query! Why are they not listening to you? Why do you have to say something so many times that you start shouting?

(Before continuing, make sure you’ve ruled out any potential medical issues that might be impairing your child’s hearing or cognition. Continue reading if you’re sure your child’s ears are healthy.)

All kids, from toddlers to teenagers, have an ingrained yearning for dominance. Children will use their power negatively if they are not given the chance to do so in constructive ways, such as choosing what to dress, what to eat for supper, what game to play, etc.

The most frequent (and annoying) power battles happen when kids use their bodies and language to resist our requests because kids DO have control over their language and body.

Children can assert their power by deciding NOT to listen. Simply said, this conduct is a means for kids to communicate their need for more autonomy and decision-making power in their life.

I’m not saying you should let kids make all the decisions. However, you can offer your kids authority within your limits by using a few simple, positive parenting strategies.

Your kids’ cooperation will increase as a result, and the dreadful repeat-remind-repeat-remind cycle will be broken.

Is “Not Listening” Just a Label?

The 7 Steps to Success for Getting Children to Listen

Consider this before we discuss ways to have better conversations with your kids: When you say they “don’t listen,” what exactly do you mean?

When speaking to parents, the phrase “not listening” frequently becomes a catch-all for a variety of problems.

It can be challenging to come up with a remedy because the term “not listening” is so broad.

I’m not denying that your youngster may occasionally ignore you outright; it does happen! But most of the time, it has less to do with “not listening” and more to do with a fundamental problem.

Is she famished, hungry, or unwell? Or is she disengaging due to a more serious control issue, such as…Chores?

  • Homework?
  • Bedtime?
  • Sibling frustrations?

Don’t conflate all interruptions of dialogue with “not listening.” Investigate and ascertain the truth so that you can create an action plan to directly address the issue.

Now, if it really is a typical example of your children not listening, here are seven measures you can take to make sure they do.

1. Get on Their Level

Make sure to get your child’s attention when you need it by making eye contact. You can strengthen the conversation by lowering yourself to her level and looking her in the eye in addition to confirming that she can see and hear you.

This implies that you might need to leave the laundry or set down the whisk for a moment in order to enter the other room.

It’s important to be close to her so that she doesn’t feel like you’re lecturing her or giving her orders from across the room.

2. Get on Their Level

Stay away from your brother. Stay off the hallway. Avoid tampering with your meals. The next statement shouldn’t be read. You can see what I did there.

Negative commands like “don’t” and “no” require children to process the request twice. Children must respond to two questions:

1) What specifically does she NOT want me to do?

2) What does she prefer I do in her place?

That is conflicting and unclear. For instance, if you tell a youngster, “Don’t touch your brother,” they must stop their current activity AND choose an acceptable alternative.

For example, does “Don’t touch your brother” mean they can’t hug him? Do you allow tag? Is it okay if I high five him? If mum asks, can I assist him with tying his shoes or putting on his jacket?

Instead, tell your child what to DO.

Try saying “Use delicate touches when touching your brother” or “Your brother doesn’t want to be touched right now, so please keep your hands folded while we are in the car” in place of “Don’t touch your brother.”

Try saying “Please put your toys in the toy bin” instead of “Don’t leave your toys all over the floor.”

Try saying “Please walk in the hall” instead of “Don’t run in the hall.”

3. Say YES to YES

Consider that for a second. What is your typical, automatic response to your child’s 10,000 demands every day? “NO,” correct?

It’s challenging to sort through requests when you’re being barraged, so you just reply with a canned statement like “No, not today.” I don’t have time for that, I reply. “No.” “Nope.” “Nada.”

But it’s understandable that children quit paying attention to your requests when “no” is your go-to response.

Find other justifications for accepting things. Your youngster will start to be surprised and delighted by your “yes” responses, and they’ll start paying closer attention when you ask for something!

Try saying, “The park sounds wonderful! We can’t go, but the park sounds great! Should we leave on Friday after school or on Saturday?

Try “Ice cream is delicious! ” instead of “No, you can’t have ice cream! Are you interested in having it for dessert on Saturday or Sunday night?

Even while there will still be times when a firm “no” is necessary, giving your child more “yeses” will raise the likelihood that they will start listening to you again.

4. Shorten your Speech

Oh my, I was just as accountable for this as anyone. Moms in particular have a tendency to stretch a five-second response into a five-minute lecture!

Never sell with blah-blah what you can sell with blah, according to a maxim in the sales industry. It also seems logical to me in parenting.

Be as succinct as you can when speaking to your children so they won’t even have time to tune you out!

5. Say Thank You in Advance

By taking this risk, you can assist your children in making the right decision. You’ll influence your children’s conduct more by saying, “Thank you for hanging up your towel after you took a shower,” than by telling them, “I best not see your towel on the floor again!”

If we manage them well, people—and yes, even kids—will frequently live up to our expectations. It will encourage open communication and raise the possibility that the assignment will be finished if you let them know up front that you trust them to act morally.

6. Ensure Comprehension

Asking your child to repeat back what you said is an easy approach to make sure she has heard you and that she understands.

Studies in the medical industry have revealed that between 40 and 80 percent of the information that doctors explain to patients is either completely forgotten or understood incorrectly (and keep in mind, these are ADULTS we are talking about, not just children).

The teach-back method, which asks patients to “teach back” to the doctor the treatment instructions they just received, has been used by doctors to counteract this misunderstanding.

It has been demonstrated that using this technique significantly improves patients’ information retention.

With kids, the same tool can be utilized successfully. Once you’ve made eye contact, spoken less, and made it clear what you want your child to accomplish, ask them to repeat back what they just heard in a calm manner.

You will immediately notice an improvement in communication and cooperation in your home if you make sure everyone is on the same page.

7. Make an Observation

Don’t jump in with a harsh rebuke if a duty is left unfinished; instead, make an OBSERVATION: “I see a jacket on the floor,” or “What is your strategy for taking care of the trash today?”

One of my favorite phrases to use while trying to avoid power struggles is “What is your plan for?”

Because you are assuming that they have a plan, it provides your child the chance to save face and quickly come up with a plan on the spot if they don’t already have one.

Ah, yeah! After I finish eating lunch, I intended to empty the garbage. This offers you the ability to frame the entire discussion in terms of positive parental empowerment! That’s fantastic; thanks so much for your assistance, pal.

Final Thoughts

Keep in mind that “not listening” should serve as a wakeup call for us at all times.

While it may appear that they are being disobedient or uncaring, it is really just a ploy to attract our attention or demonstrate their desire for dominance.

Everyone, even children and adults, wants to be seen and heard. Children won’t listen to us if this need isn’t supplied.

Although it may seem contradictory, because this is the most common complaint among parents, it clearly works.

If power struggles like not listening are creating stress in your family, I’d love to walk you through our step-by-step road map for parenting toddlers to teens.

I love to help parents solve this issue and have helped thousands of families just like yours.

If you’re not quite ready to jump in, at least join me for a FREE ONLINE CLASS.

I’ll teach you more strategies to get your kids to LISTEN without nagging, reminding, or yelling and you’ll start feeling relief within days!

What You Should Do Next:

1. Subscribe to my Newsletter:

For parenting advice to make your household happier and help you be the parent you’ve always wanted to be, subscribe to my newsletter.

Additionally, I’ll send you a copy of our strategy-packed guide when you subscribe. 10 Advice for Better Conduct, Starting Immediately!

2. Register for my FREE 60-Minute Class:

Enroll in my free seminar, “How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling, or Losing Control,” to learn how to do it.

Classes are offered multiple times a week, but because space is limited, I advise you to sign up as soon as possible.

Enroll in my free seminar, “How to Get Kids to Listen, Without Nagging, Yelling, or Losing Control,” to learn how to do it.

Classes are offered multiple times a week, but because space is limited, I advise you to sign up as soon as possible.

3. Enroll in my 7-Step Parenting Success System

Enroll today in my tried-and-true 7-step strategy for working parents who are ready for change (it has a 5-star rating on Google).

Additionally, all plans are currently eligible for a 10% discount and a FREE upgrade, both of which come with lifetime access and no risk.

About the Author

Nationally recognized parenting expert Amy McCready is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions and the best selling author of The “Me, Me, Me”

Epidemic – A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World and If I Have to Tell You One More Time…

The Revolutionary Program That Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding or Yelling.

As a “recovering yeller” and a Certified Positive Discipline Instructor, Amy is a champion of positive parenting techniques for happier families and well-behaved kids.

Amy is a TODAY Show contributor and has been featured on CBS This Morning, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, Rachael Ray, Steve Harvey & others.

In her most important role, she is the proud mom of two amazing young men.

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