play victim, One person in your circle of friends is always the “woe-is-me” type.
They blame others for all the problems that occur and believe they are the only ones to blame.
This person is a victim mentality.
How do you handle this person without losing your cool or giving up?
You may be dealing with someone who has a classic victim mentality case. This article will cover everything you need to know about how to deal with someone who pulls the victim’s punch.
What is victim mentality?
- Victim mentality is a term that is used frequently in casual conversation and popular culture to describe people who are prone to allowing themselves to be engulfed in negativity and then forcing it on others.
- It’s not a medical term, but a stigma that is used to describe a personality trait.
- Victims are known to express negativity and a lot of negative emotions, but significant pain and distress can often be the root cause of their problems.
- They believe that others are responsible for their misery and that they can do nothing to make it better.
- They become more vulnerable and exhibit difficult emotions and behaviour.
- These are the main indicators of victim mentality
- A few signs can indicate someone is trying to be a victim.
- Refrain from taking responsibility or being accountable
- People who are victim-minded tend to avoid accountability and responsibility.
- They blame others, pass the buck and make excuses, believing that bad things just happen. They believe that everything is against them and that they cannot change it.
- People who live in a victimizing environment tend to be less inclined to seek out change. They may feel that they are only interested in feeling sorry for themselves and refuse to accept help.
- It’s not necessarily bad to spend some time in misery. This can actually help you to acknowledge and process your painful emotions.
- This period should end. It is more efficient to continue with healing and transformation afterwards.
- A feeling of overwhelming powerlessness
- People feel victimized and believe that they cannot change their circumstances. However, life continues to throw them situations that they feel they can’t escape from or in which they don’t succeed.
- When dealing with someone who feels helpless because of circumstances, it is important to understand the difference between “unwilling” and “unable”.
- play victim may take offence and shift the blame to others.
- However, people who are unable to move forward often have deep-rooted psychological pain. This makes it seem impossible for them to change. They are using their victim mentality to make excuses.
- Negative self-talk, self-sabotage and negative self-talk
- Internalization of the negative messages associated with challenges may result in a victim mentality.
Victimization can lead to people believing:
Each new problem reinforces the negative beliefs until they become part of their inner dialogue. Negative self-talk can damage resilience and make it harder to bounce back from difficult situations.
Negative self-talk is often a sign of self-sabotage. People who believe in their self-talk are more likely to do the right thing. Negative self-talk can often unconsciously block any efforts to change.
Low self-esteem and confidence can affect victims. They may feel more victimized as a result.
They may believe they are victims of their circumstances if they fail to achieve what they desire. It can be difficult to see the other options, even if they have a negative outlook.
Frustration, anger and resentment
- A victim mentality can have a negative impact on emotional well-being.
- This mindset could lead to the following:
- People who believe they will always be victims of their emotions can feel heavy. These feelings can eventually lead to:
How to deal avec victim mentality
You can now relate to what you just read! It’s hard to comprehend, but what options do you have?
This person is important to you and cannot be ignored. They look up to and respect you. How do you handle them?
Here are some ways to help a family member or friend who is always playing the victim card.
1) Be empathetic
Recognize the fact that they have been through traumatic events in their past and show empathy.
As I hear you, comforting words can help people feel supported.
You can even put yourself in their shoes, and then give them the insights that you have based on.
You can also say, “It’s horrible that you have to deal this.” If you have any questions, I am here to help.
2) Do not be judgmental.
Because they trust you and feel comfortable with each other, they are willing to share their truths.
Saying things like, “Why did it?” is not a good idea. It’s very common. Or, I wouldn’t be caught alive with XYZ. You get the idea. Instead, speak more in the I language and refrain from saying you.
3) Clarify your role
Let them know you are listening from an outsider’s perspective.
You are there to assist and not decide what is right and wrong. You are not there to be a referee.
This will prevent you from getting caught up in the emotions. Instead, you listen and respond as an outsider to the situation.
4) Let them vent
Even though it can be difficult for you, venting is the best thing.
Allow them to share their feelings and let them know that you are there for them. They will feel supported and trusted when they do this.
Don’t interrupt their conversation. Instead, communicate with them non-verbally by nodding in acknowledgement or using facial features to show that you are paying attention.
You could also say, “I can’t solve your problem for you. But I can help you to work through it.”
5) Set boundaries
- This is crucial when you are dealing with someone suffering from a victim mentality.
- It is important to establish clear boundaries and rules regarding appropriate points of discussion, personal opinions, or other matters for your own sake.
- It is important to be clear about what you are comfortable with and not comfortable discussing.
- How can you establish boundaries and foster a healthy relationship?
- You have to begin within.
- Your relationship with yourself
- Only then can one deal with a manipulator, or a difficult relationship.
- Ruda Iande, a shaman, taught me about this. He gives you the tools and techniques to place yourself in the centre of the world with his free, authentic video on building healthy relationships.
- He discusses some of the most common mistakes we make in our relationships. Most of us don’t even realize we make these mistakes.
- So, why do I recommend Ruda’s life-changing advice to you?
- He uses techniques that are based on ancient shamanic teachings but add his modern twist to them. Although he may be a shaman his love experiences were not much different from yours.
- These common problems he faced until he discovered a solution. He wants to share that with you.
- If you are ready to make a change and create healthy, loving relationships that you love, the relationships you know you deserve then play victim check out his honest advice.
6) Keep the conversation light.
These are some examples of probing questions:
“What are you best at?”
What were your strengths in the past?
Asking open-ended questions will encourage them to share more information and increase their openness.
7) Bring humour to the conversation
Humour can make the conversation more enjoyable if it is appropriate.
You can make fun of the situation or problem by adding humour to it.
You’ll know when it is safe to cross the threshold, but don’t go overboard.
You might make them feel that you don’t take them seriously, or that your problem isn’t serious if you use humour too much.
8) Encouragement and not advice
Encourage them and help them to solve problems. Don’t sugarcoat them.
Offer to help them find solutions, but don’t try and protect them from negative outcomes.
Instead of telling them what your plan is, you can help them set realistic goals that will help them change the situation.
9) Do not get drawn into arguments.
Be prepared before you start any conversation. Don’t let yourself be drawn into negative dynamics.
Remind them that they are here to help, and that argumentation will not be of benefit.
“It is important to me and I care about it, but we seem like we are going in circles.” Let’s get on with it later.
10) Talk about facts.
Victims will often tell their stories and ignore facts.
If this happens during the conversation, politely tell them. This will help them to focus on what is important.
11) Do not pick sides
You must be objective and help them to identify unhelpful behaviour, such as shifting blame, complaining and not taking accountability.
Avoid being drawn into a “he claimed, she said” debate. It’s counterproductive.
A “he said, she spoke” situation will not help anyone.
12) Avoid labels
Do not label them victims. This will only make matters worse. They may already know they are victims.
They want you to help them. Don’t make it worse by putting a label on it.
13) Do not say things that you regret
Be gentle and don’t criticize them. Let them grow by your support. They have turned to you for guidance. If you get angry or irritable, or if you say something in a hurry, it will most likely destroy their faith in you.
It is taxing, but you have a responsibility to help the person.
14) Listen to reason.
People who are a victim mentality often speak from fear and not from reason.
You need to influence them so they act rationally. You can influence them to dig deeper and gain more insight into why they feel a certain way.
15) Do not try to be like them, but be yourself.
It can be exhausting to deal with someone who is prone to a victim mentality. It will be difficult to keep your mouth shut and avoid causing trouble.