Home Mental Health What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Get Married

What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Get Married


What to Do If Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Get Married: Not every person has the same needs or preferences in relationships.

Others rush into a relationship with marriage in mind, while some want to take things slowly and see where they go.

When you’re ready to commit, it’s crucial to talk openly and honestly with your partner while also showing concern, interest, composure, and respect.

It’s normal to experience a strong desire for commitment in your relationship, especially if you plan to start a family.

Take some time to consider what you both hope to get out of your relationship before moving toward marriage, though.

What Are You Looking For ?

'Want to Get Married

Despite the fact that you can feel as though you already know that you want to get married, it’s crucial to take a step back and consider what you are really searching for.

Are you wishing for more stability, acceptance, understanding of the value of your relationship, or just the right to refer to your partner as “my husband” or “my wife”?

Consider these additional queries: What does marriage mean to you? Where did you learn this, and is this something you were taught by your family, society, or religion? What additional benefits will marriage bring you, and are these benefits exclusive to marriage?

Your response can be that you want more stability or the rituals that come with marriage (such a wedding, anniversaries, etc.), if you’re already in a committed relationship and marriage is just a formality.

Other advantages of marriage include:

  • rights, obligations, and advantages provided by the law and the government
  • alteration of tax status
  • a feeling of relationship stability
  • heightened senses of mastery, an improved sense of self, and increased sentiments of meaning and purpose for some

If your relationship is less solid, it’s equally critical to consider what you are searching for in a partner. Are you attempting to mend the relationship by getting married?

Are you attempting to win someone over? Do you believe that in order to have children, you must be married?

Balance Your Needs

What to Do If Your Partner

For the partnership to work, neither party should feel compelled to compromise on their demands. Determine the compromises you are prepared to make on various subjects.

For instance, if your partner is still loyal to you but marriage isn’t a top priority for them, they might be prepared to make accommodations and continue the marriage.

On the other hand, if they are adamantly against getting married, you might need to assume that the relationship won’t last.

The opportunity to have sincere dialogues about what you each want from the relationship is the best part of balancing your needs.

It should become obvious how well suited you are to one another and whether your beliefs and aspirations fit, regardless of whether you decide to pursue marriage.

Regardless of whether you can agree on what to do, marriage may not be in your future if you notice that you are moving in opposite ways at this point.

Process Your Feelings

 Want to Get Married

Instead of attempting to change or sway your partner during this time, use it to process your emotions.

Consider your relationship goals and whether your spouse is the perfect one for you.

Due to the fact that you two have different priorities in life, your relationship may not be as strong as it once appeared to be.

Hear Their Perspective

What to Do If Your Partner

Two individuals with diverse ideas make up a marriage. If you don’t talk about those different viewpoints, they might become an obstacle when it comes time to make important life decisions.

Although it would appear as though pressing an unwilling person for an answer will just make you both more frustrated, exercising patience may help you both communicate better and obtain a better understanding of their hesitation.

Your spouse will feel like they have the room to explore their deepest ideas with you if you can put your defensiveness aside and listen with an open mind (empathetically without judgment).

Respect your partner’s individuality and freedom of choice. Even if you don’t agree with them or wish they felt a certain way, have faith in your partner’s judgment.

The last thing you want to do is make your spouse feel as though they must accompany you if you are aware that they are not interested in exchanging vows.

Understand Their Fear

What to Do If Your Partner

Fear frequently serves as the root cause of these kinds of confrontations, according to psychotherapist and co-author of “How to Be Happy Partners:

Working It Out Together” Tina B. Tessina. She contends that it’s important to comprehend your partner’s perspective.

The danger of not always getting what you want or need must be accepted if you choose to dedicate your life to just one person.

As partners cooperate to achieve shared objectives, commitment fosters ties and fills gaps between differences. It also protects against loneliness.

Some people put up a barrier to commitment in their life because they are so frightened of getting hurt again.

They are afraid and reject the notion since it is either too difficult for them now or may never be.

While others may be enticed to commit but also frightened of doing so. This can be as a result of prior events that made them hesitant to trust others with every facet of who they are.

Consider Couples Counseling

What to Do If Your Partner Does

You don’t have to end your relationship right immediately if your partner isn’t keen on getting married.

There are some things you and your partner can do to improve your relationship. It’s not a good idea to wait around long;

speaking with someone who has knowledge of the subject instead could help close the gap.

The best way to assist you both go on in this circumstance, whether it be toward a breakup or toward marriage, might be to go to couples counseling.

Consider going to individual therapy if your partner won’t accompany you to counseling so you can express your thoughts in a private setting.
If you have problems that you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking with your partner, this could be especially useful.
For instance, you might be anxious about the timing of beginning a family. You can work through these problems and identify the best answers for your long-term satisfaction through individual counseling.

Steps You Can Take

  • Get curious. Think about what marriage means to yourself and your partner and why it means what it does to each of you.
  • Get creative. Come up with creative and collaborative ideas and possibilities where each of your needs can be met and where both of your paces can be heard and honored, if there is a desire to continue committing together without a hard ultimatum either way.
  • Learn about yourself. Explore your own needs and goals in therapy to learn more about why you might have an urgency to get married (or why you might not be ready yet).
  • Work together. Working collaboratively, compassionately, and creatively as a couple can help you find common ground for continued growth and connection. Marriage may happen eventually, but when you are both truly ready.

Know When to Leave

Want to Get Married

If you can’t come to an agreement on marriage at some point, you may need to opt to end the relationship.

You’ll likely feel a variety of emotions, from sadness about the setback to rage over the lost time.

Although it might not be simple for your spouse to be upfront and truthful about the causes of their reluctance, if you can’t find out more, there is probably no hope of progressing.

To gain a deeper understanding, try asking them how they are feeling or acting out various scenarios together.

It’s crucial not to focus on “what might have been,” though. When all other attempts to make things work have failed, that is when you should quit.

You may be certain that you gave it your all at that time. And once you’ve given everything your all, there is no longer any need to be depressed about the circumstances. Try to keep your mind on the better future that is in store for you if you can.

A Word From Very Well

The complicated interplay between your demands and those of your spouse will frequently determine whether your relationship lasts and progresses to marriage.

Even though concessions are always possible, if there is a significant difference in what each of you wants, this is typically a hint that future conflicts may result from even compromises.

Chameleoning to fit in or please others and asking for outsiders’ opinions about your personal life can be more detrimental than beneficial for someone who battles with codependency and has trouble connecting with what they need and want.

Seek support by having others observe, listen to, and hear your experience and perspective rather than asking others for advice.

They can then probe you with incisive, intelligent, and enquiring questions to help you clarify your goals (without intruding with their ideas, preferences, and perspectives).

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